I’m a fighter. When I have a goal, I can’t stand to fail. I want to succed no matter what–even if it puts me at risk of no sleep, no money, no…whatever. If I set a goal, I want to achieve it at all costs.
Is that level of passion or that intense of a drive always a good thing?
I’m in the process of letting go of a very minor personal goal which had once seemed so attainable and reasonable–but now looms near the impossible. You might remember, a couple of weeks ago I posted in excitement about my Surf Shelf. I was so thrilled (still am) to have a way to be physically active while working as a full-time writer. Who knew that was even possible?? I saw see it as a gift and was am so eager to keep marching toward my goal of becoming physically fit again.
But, as always seems to happen whenever–literally–I get going on a good exercise routine, something happened. As proof that my exercise plans over the past two years always seem to go the way of the trash–or the hospital gurney–let me cite some examples:
2009: I was running a ton. Losing weight, loving the exercise. I had a treadmill in my living room and would run just about every day. I had my sights set on a half marathon and made that my goal.
Then WHAM…
I slipped and fell in my kitchen and landed on my knee. I actually broke a ceramic tile with my knee. A trip to the ER, a couple of consults with docs, and it was clear I wouldn’t be running for a long while.So I sold my treadmill in a moment of frustration.
For me, it was all or nothing.
Half marathon, or couch potato.
A couple of months later, my writer-sister friends and I made a group decision to do the Shred. I, of course, decided I would do p90X in the morning and then the Shred in the afternoon. Yeah, that worked for about a day. My knee just couldn’t tolerate P90–no way. So I was Shredding with the girls, sometimes twice a day. I had goals, you know.
Until I bent over wrong and picked Megan up to swing her up over my head.
SNAP…
I have no pictures of that injury because I couldn’t lift my arms. I was flat on the couch with a severly messed up back and a trip to Disney World with six children coming up in three days. Boy, I’d sure done it that time. Instead of being normal, human, and healthy with my routine and my goals, I pushed myself to almost double the exercise and look what happened.
A few months more went by before I really pursued exercise with a vengeance again. . .probably more than needed to. But, I finally stumbled on my newly beloved Surf Shelf and put it to great use right away. I was walking while I wrote for several hours a day, logging 7,8 miles some days. It was awesome, and I felt great! I even got sick with a chest/throat virus, but I only let it slow me down a little bit–I had goals, you know! I had set a goal to have a 100-Mile March, and since I’d already been walking an average of 25 miles a week, it should have been doable.
PLOP…
I had been walking on my treadmill for about ten minutes and I just started feeling like I’d been hit by a freight train. I really wanted to curl up and go to sleep right there on the belt. I decided I needed to take a hot bath. While in the bath, I started shivering, aching, etc. To make a long story short, I’d come down with yet ANOTHER severe virus that slammed into me, thwarting my goals.
I actually wound up at the ER that night–St. Patricks Day. As I lay there with the thin blanket over my head–no pillow–and listened to the nurses argue with inebriated celebrators in every cubicle, I thought back over my fitness goals and where and why I kept going wrong. What was I missing? Why wasn’t God protecting me and keeping me healthy so I could work hard at getting even healthier. What could I do differently?
Then it hit me. I had forgotten about MARGIN. I even wrote about that in a devotional long ago. The idea that we need to leave ourselves enough margin on the sides of our page so we can shift things around, add or subtract, save something for later, etc.
I needed to have space in my life to edit.
I can apply that to a lot of things, but just looking at it through a fitness lens, why not let go of the “goal” and just live? Why do I have the incessant need to reduce everything to a number, quantify it with a result, and mark it pass or fail?
Why? Because I’m being my own judge and jury. I’m making it all about me and passing judgment on myself. Setting unreasonable goals that no one else ever asked me to set, then holding myself accountable, responsible, and guilty for failing at something God never even ordained in my life.
With the above in mind, I took a look at scripture…
Psalm 43:5 Why are you cast down, 0 my soul? and why are you disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise Him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.
Matthew 6:31, 32 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? Or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth .that you have need of all these things.
Philippians 4:6, 7 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
When your goals go WHAM, SNAP, PLOP, maybe you need margin. Maybe you need for the peace of God to wash over your self-expectations like I did do. It’s a work in progress, but the first step is identifying the problem, right?
Guaranteed: you’ll be hearing more from me on this topic as I work it out in my own life. But I’d love to hear from you, too! How do you relate to this post? What do you do to ensure margin in your life?
