Usually, this column is based on a reader’s question. But this time, since so many of you had similar questions, I decided to put the answers together into this list.
These are ten ways you can make this year better for your family than last year was. Perhaps you’d like to pick one or two and make them your resolution for 2012.
1. Be a Model
Are you modeling the kinds of behaviors and attitudes you expect from your family members? It’s confusing when parents tell teens to show respect, but then they disrespect their own parents or others. Yes, teens should be obedient, but the idea of ”do as I say, not as I do” is a death blow to parent-teen relationships.
And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. Titus 2:7
2. Pray Together
So many families never pray together or for each other at all. This is a sad fact and most likely a contributing factor to the mammoth divorce rates. The practice of prayer should start at the top. If you’re married, you need to be praying with your spouse. Hearing your husband or wife praying for you will unite the two of you like little else. Next, you should pray as a family. Share needs and pray out loud for each other. Thirdly, as a parent, you should pray with and for your individual kids.
For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them. Matthew 18:20
3. Be Consistent
It takes a lot of work to be a consistent parent. Saying what you mean, meaning what you say. . .and then following through, are the benchmarks of consistent parenting. Inconsistencies usually arise when parents speak with overstatements (you’re grounded forever) or empty threats (get home now or you’re dead). Avoid talking like that because it’s confusing. Kids need to know what to expect from you, they need to understand consequences, and they need to see consistent follow through so they can trust your words and promises.
Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth. John 17:7
4. Laugh Often
Think hard, when is the last time you laughed with your teens? If it was yesterday, great, but be sure to be intentional about making today fun. If it was last week, you definitely need to bring more lighthearted fun and silliness into your home. Teenagers are smart, though. They know when you’re being disingenuous. So, be sure you’re authentic and allowing levity to develop organically as you lighten up. 
Notice I didn’t mention the moodiness of your teens. Trust me, I know it exists. But the mood is often set by you, whether you realize it or not. If you expect your teenager to enter the house in a grumpy mood and steer clear, it only perpetuates the grumpiness. When I sense a mood like that from one of my kids, I stop us in our tracks and pray for them.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.” Psalms 126:2
5. Communicate
This is so important. Miscommunication or lack thereof leads to misunderstandings and division. Families need to have good communication skills and a commitment to make time for each other. When your teen (or spouse) wants to talk, stop what you are doing and make eye contact. When one of my kids approaches me, I often have to close my computer to show that I’m truly listening. When you respond, be positive and encouraging so your teen will be more likely to come back for more. Focus on successes, and personal interests, not failures or mistakes. Share personal examples or stories only when it seems your teen wants to hear them. Don’t push or prolong the experience to the point of annoyance. Watch for the eye roll and then stop.
Remember, Mom and Dad, you want to know what’s going on your teens’ mind. You can only accomplish this is you’re listening well.
A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Proverbs 17:27
6. XOXOXOXO
Have you hugged your kids today? I’m serious. Think about it. Do days go by where your teens have no physical contact from you? Humans crave touch. In fact, it’s medicinal. When my mother-in-law was unconscious in the hospital, my husband and I were amazed that every time he covered her hand with his, her heart rate settled dramatically. Your teens respond in the same way, even if they don’t show it in the moment. Nothing you do can say, “I love you,” quite like a hug. Oh, except actually saying, “I love you.” Be sure to do that, too.
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. John 13:34
7. Be Generous
Generosity isn’t only putting a check in the offering plate as it passes by. True generosity of spirit manifests itself in so many ways. Ultimately, it involves putting the needs of others ahead of your own needs and wants. Your teens watch for this kind of behavior in their parents and it is often the deciding factor that guides them to either a selfish or generous existence.
What is the last act of kindness or charity your family has participated in or initiated?
One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want. Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered. Proverbs 11:24-25
8. Go Unplugged
What about a day of the week, or a weekend every month, where you turn off all forms of electronic entertainment in your home? This means no television, video games, computers, electronic games, etc. I promise, if you do this, numbers 2, 4, 5, and 10 will be far easier to accomplish because you’ll have much more #10!
Do not love this world nor the things it offers you. . . 1 John 2:15
9. Experience True Joy
Joy is different than laughter or fun. It comes from deep within; it’s a gift from God. Do you take joy in your family members? Do you like them as well as love them? If you’re in a rut where you’re bickering a lot or finding yourself annoyed with your kids, consider that the joy may be a missing component of your home.
Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10
10. Give Time
There is no substitute for time spent together. Have you fallen for the lie that quality is better than quantity? Quality time is important, sure, but quantity is vital. Many families are wading through their days barely connecting with each other as they pass in the halls, or worse, the garage as they come and go.
Prove to your family members they are your number one priority and that you enjoy them by giving them quantity AND quality time.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21
Excellent post, Nicole. Our youngest is a freshman in college now, so we are “empty nest.” But, many of these principles still apply. Have a daughter getting married this Saturday, our first. Whew, transitions.
Care to do a guest post for Family Fountain anytime in the next couple of months? If yes, you can do whatever you like – plug your newest book, write about marriage or parenting, etc.
WB
Thanks, Warren!
I’d love to do a guest post. Will get one to you asap.
Thanks!
Nicole
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