You’ve talked about purity and physical limits, but what about those heat-of-the-moment, wandering-hands situations? Your teenagers may know how far is too far, physically, but are they equipped to fend off the assumptions and advances of an eager date?
The Hot Buttons column gives you a fictional scenario you can use to put your teen in the heat of moment and help him/her figure out what to do when that real life situation happens. You should take this as an opportunity to see where your teenager may need some help or might face a struggle one day.
Now, tell your teen this story as though it’s really happening to him/her:
You’ve been going out with your boyfriend for a while now. You really like each other…a lot. Lately the kissing has been getting a little more heated than usual. But you’re okay with it–in fact you like it. One night, you’re watching a movie in his basement, his mom and dad are upstairs in the kitchen, and he leans over to kiss you. Suddenly, his hand moves beneath your shirt and before you know it, he’s got his hand under your bra.
What do you do?
Present the following choices to your teenager:
- Relax and enjoy it. After all, he just might be the one.
- You think you’re okay with that step, but no farther.
- You giggle and move his hand away, but keep making out with him.
- What?! You jump up, horrified that he would do that. It’s time for you to go home.
Now let your teen make a choice between the responses without feeling judged or directed. You want the response to be as honest as possible.
Here are some discussion points you can use to lead the conversation after the choice is made:
- What are your physical boundaries and why?
- What if you “go there” and then break up down the road?
- Physical affection feels great, no kidding, but the fall-out is painful.
- Once you start down that path, it’s so difficult to back up.
- Purity is a gift only you can protect.
- Discuss the family rules for dating and physical limits, and set new ones if necessary.
- Talk about different safeguards to protect those boundaries and ask for suggestions for new ones.
- Pray together for wisdom and clear thinking.
- Pick up Hot Buttons: Sexuality Edition when it releases on 10/1.