“Where Are You With Guys Right Now?”
That may seem like a lame question to ask a bunch of teenage girls, but there are actually as many answers as there are girls themselves. Contrary to what it looks like in every teen-focused magazine you see at the grocery store, not everybody is having to make major decisions about which prom invite to accept (have you noticed?). Wherever you are on the subject of boys, you’re probably pretty normal. Which means you aren’t alone. Which means you are neither a geek nor a boy crazy wacko. Let’s prove it.
Below you’ll find six scenarios. Read ‘em all. Then put a number between 1 and 6 next to each one, according to how much it’s like you – a 1 being closest to you and a 6 being like the farthest thing from your mind.
BTW, be totally honest. There are no “supposed to” answers here and besides, what good’s it going to do to answer like you’re somebody else?
Here we go:
_____ Girl A. “It seems like every girl I know is obsessed with guys, but I’m never the one to go, “Okay, that guy is HOT!” I’m just not into them, you know, and I’m fine with that until I get in a situation where that’s all anybody can talk about. Then I feel kind of out of it.”
_____ Girl B. “I really want a guy to like me. Or even just know I exist and think I’m not that bad. I feel like I’m missing something but I don’t know how to get their attention without making it seem like I’m trying too hard. Which I probably am. I can talk to guys on line just fine, but not so much in person.”
_____ Girl C. “I just want to be friends with guys at this point in my life. I know I’m not ready for the boyfriend-girlfriend deal and I think most guys make better friends than dates anyway. The thing is, nobody will just let it be. My dating friends are like, “No, seriously, you’ll end up together eventually, right?”
_____ Girl D. “I admit it: I want a boyfriend. I want to be loved and wanted and cared about. But then I think, um, should I be feeling that way? Aren’t I supposed to be patient and wait for the guy God wants me to be with forever?”
_____ Girl E. “I’m totally fine with guys as friends or as dates. It’s never been that hard for me to relate to them. What I wonder about, though, is how to avoid all the drama. Especially when it comes to sex. Most people make it seem like it’s just expected that you’ll sleep together if you date more than a couple of weeks. I’m not goin’ there . . . so should I even be involved with guys at all?”
_____ Girl F. “I’m not dating until I’m ready to get married because I don’t see the point. And yet . . . there’s all this male cuteness around me and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do. I mean, do I avoid all contact with the male of the species because I don’t want a friendship with a guy to turn into something else before I’m ready?”
Check out your numbers and get a picture of where you stand on boy issues right now. It will probably change over time, but who’s stressing over tomorrow when today is hard enough to deal with?! It actually doesn’t have to be. Let me offer some insights that might be helpful:
If you’re like Girl A at all, not to worry that you’re weird or something. Girls start really noticing guys at different times, or you may just be one of those women who will always be pretty okay without them. The key is not to let what everybody else is doing make your decisions for you. I’ll be doing a post called “I Just Don’t Get Guys” next month, so be sure to re-visit for that.
If you have some Girl B going on, know that it makes sense to want boys to notice you without your having to do cartwheels. Also know that there are very few girls who don’t feel awkward around guys in these early years. The best thing to do right now is work on you, finding out who you really are and getting comfortable with that. The boys will still be there when you’re ready.
If you see yourself in Girl C, you’re in a pretty good place because you realize that guys are just people. The best foundation for any kind of relationship is always, “I like who you are.” So shrug off those comments about the inevitability of a friendship turning into a romance and enjoy your guy pals.
If you’re like Girl D, even just a little, good on you for being honest. It’s as normal for you to want a boyfriend as it was for you to moon over your fave boy band when you were a tween. It’s part of the process of becoming a woman; you don’t just wake up one day when you’re 25 and think, “Now that I’m old enough to be a bride, I like guys.” We’ll be talking about dating here on the blog, but for now, remember that it’s okay to want the healthy relationship experience, but not okay to settle for trying to have it with just anybody.
If you can see your reflection in Girl E at all, you’re confident around guys, but you know that can put you in situations you aren’t sure how to handle. We’ll be talking more about drama and how to stay pure. Right now, just know: the idea that everybody who dates in high school is having sex is totally false. Be firm about your convictions from the beginning of a relationship – and stay out of dark places alone.
Finally, if you have some Girl F going on, your position is awesome and so is your awareness that it isn’t going to be easy. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t have guy friends or hang out in mixed-gender groups. Pray tell how else are you going to learn about this gender you want to someday marry into? If you’re committed to doing what God wants you to do, stick with him. This is not an endurance test from above, you know!
Guys are not put here merely to distract you from God and, consequently, from doing the right thing. Guys are here, they’re part of your life, and you naturally want to be part of theirs, or you will at some point. So simply put your longing for God before your longing for male company. Always makes sure it’s bigger, stronger, more important. Let it be God AND guys, not God OR guys. Talk to God about it. Since he’s the one who created them, he has way more answers than I do!
If you want to share which Girl you are in guy land, leave a comment. It’ll be good to know you are so not alone out there.
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I fall in the middle of Girl B and C. I know I am not that comfortable around boys, but I wanted to be friends with them.
That’s a good place to be and it’s great you’re honest about where you fall, Christina. Boys as friends are great! And there’s plenty of time for the other kind of attention.
Well, i am probably somewhere between Girls D and F. I am highly attracted to guys (surprise, surprise) and i only want to date a guy if i’m really serious about it (meaning, i’d consider marrying this boy) but it’s so hard because i want to be focused on God right now cuz i know that’s where i need to be, but guys are soo distracting and i want to put them away into their own little corner in my mind till the right guy comes along, but it’s not that easy. ugh….how do u find a balance between liking guys but still having God at the center of your life?
I’m like, mostly Girl C right now. I can hang out with guys without feeling too awkward most of the time, and I feel like dating creates scenes way too dramatic for my maturity and capability at this moment. Now, the thing is that my parents don’t really approve of me hanging out with guys at all… TT But oh well.
Good for you for knowing yourself so well, Bekah. That’s amazing insight!
Blessings,
Nicole
I’m not like any of these examples! I think some guys are cute, but I don’t usually go crazy over them and I don’t really have a real crush. I’m too busy living my own life to care about guys. Yeah, it might be nice to get married someday or even have a boyfriend, but I’m too busy for that right now and I don’t really want to be tied down to somebody else for my entire life. Is this weird?
Good for you, Brianna! That’s so great. Keep that attitude!