By Renee Fisher
Loyalty. It hurts when someone leaves, breaks up, or cheats on you. It hurts beyond words. Misery loves company, and that’s why God asks us to get connected. We’re here to encourage one another. Take long walks. Talk and share. Pray together and point each other back to God–even when He is silent.
I know some of you–myself included–have experienced deep sorrow from a painful breakup. From someone breaking his or her commitment. Maybe you’re the one who broke it. You never know how God’s going to redeem your love story. He’s still writing the pages as we speak. Learn to trust Him and put your hand in His. He’ll lead you down the path of righteousness. Next time you’re tempted to believe you’re the only one with heartache in relationships, take heart and think again.
Since the time of Genesis, God has been making and remaking His covenant to His people. Unlike your ex, ‘God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carry it through?’ (Numbers 23:19). No. Say it again: No! No loyalty pains or broken commitments can separate you from God’s love.
I wrote the above three paragraphs in my book, Not Another Dating Book. I can relate because I’ve been both the breakup-er and breakup-ee. It’s not fun when you feel like you can no longer be with someone you care about or when someone you care about breaks up with you.
Before I share a guide to breakups below, I wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. Here are a few breakup stories I’ve gathered from some friends:
Emily, 28 says, “I only had had three boyfriends before dating my now-husband. Two of the three broke up with me via email. The third broke up with me for the last time in person, but he’d broken up with me so many times before (high school… so much drama!), I’m sure at least one was via email, as well!”
Marsha, 31, says, “He told me he loved me, and I told him I needed space.”
Ben, 26, says, “I broke up with this chick one time. I feel so bad about it now. I realized as we are driving along how much I hated being with her. Just couldn’t stand to hear her voice. She was so manipulative and psycho. Anyway, we are in my truck driving and I just had enough. I pulled over and told her to get out. She thought I was kidding. I wasn’t. I turned off the truck and walked around and opened her door and told her again, also told her that we were done. She freaked out. Finally she got out and stated that I would be back for her. I closed the door, and drove away. I never went back.”
Morgan, 30, says, “’I’d abandoned most of my family for him and values on the promise that he was all I would need. Instead he shut me out completely. Changed his number, ignored emails, wouldn’t talk face to face, blocked me on Facebook. I’ve since heard he spends a lot of time with the girl we always fought over. But…what God did through this, was bring me back to Him. The next week I went to church for the first time in YEARS. The messages were like God was speaking directly to me. I’d never had a relationship with Christ. I didn’t know that was where I needed to find my value. I’m still learning that one. But July 18, 2010, I was baptized. Best day of my life. Hands down.”
*Jesus Loves You
Do you know how much God loves you? No, seriously if you can’t answer this question truthfully, maybe it’s time you get alone with God and ask Him. Point blank. He is not afraid of your questions and waits to lavish His love on you–yeah you!
*Your BFF’s
Are there one or two friends who have been there for you through your breakup? Text, call, or Facebook him or her and tell them how thankful you are for them. Then schedule a time for you to get together and hang out.
*You Need Time
Maybe you’re neglected some serious “you” time. Go for it! Go for a jog, paint a picture, or write a blog. Whatever helps you decompress.
*Tears Are Okay
When you care about someone your emotions will show it. Maybe you’re not the crying type and maybe you cry over everything (crybaby). It’s okay. Either way, ask God to help you process through the emotions, brokenness, and damaged heart.
*List Your Worth
Sometimes we only feel worth something when someone else tells us this: a boyfriend or girlfriend. A breakup can feel more than just a separation between two people. Maybe he told you how he thought you were beautiful. Maybe she made you feel like you could conquer the world. It’s easy to want to feel validated in this way, and feel even worse when it’s gone. Write down five positive things about yourself. If you can’t think of any–then ask your BFF.
How about you? Have a messy break up story you want to get off your chest? Go for it! But make sure you follow up with something positive about yourself!
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I agree with the need for time. I admit that it became a problem for me since I never really had the time to deal with the pains of breakup (the girl dumped me for another guy) because of my various commitments at the university. In fact, I was only able to deal with the issue when I graduated which is more than a year since the breakup.
@James – yes sometimes we don’t have the time immediately to deal with things. And time is not always a bad thing, but can be very healing