Brianna: Well, back in December I got my belly button pierced without my paremts permission. Later on they found out that I got it and they grounded me and everything. I wonder if that’s bad? And how would you as a mom react to that if one of your daughters did that?
Emily: Yes. I think it was wrong to do that without your mom or dad’s okay. They know more about what’s good for you and what’s okay for your body, so you should trust them. But even when you really, really want something and they say no, you should still obey them and respect their wishes. Since you already did it, you should honor them by taking it out and apologizing for disobeying their wishes.
Natalie answered: I have NO problem with piercings, tattoos, body modification, etc. I think it’s something that should be be up to the person. I don’t like when people go so far that their bodies are damaged, but I don’t have any problem with self-expression in moderate ways. For example, I’d love to get my cartilage pierced, and I’d consider a belly button piercing, too.
Even though I don’t have a problem with belly button piercing, I have to say that I disagree with the way you went about it. For example, my mom would have no problem with me getting my cartilage pierced, but my dad is extremely opposed. So, the no wins. I’d never go against their wishes because there are more important things in life than a piercing. I value my parents’ trust in me and I try not to damage that.
Since you’ve already done it, this is my recommendation:
Nicole replied: Um. Yeah. I’d be mad. There are certain things that really send me over the edge. I know my kids will make mistakes. I know they aren’t perfect. But there’s a big difference between a mistake like missing curfew because they lost track of time, and outright disobedience just because they wanted to do something even though they knew it was wrong. If one of my kids knew my thoughts on something like this (or anything) and then took it upon herself (or himself) to just ignore what I said or go around my will, we’d have big problems.
Trust is the issue here. I want to be able to assume my kids are going to do the best they can. I have friends who assume the opposite in their kids because it’s been proven over and over that as soon as Mom and Dad aren’t looking, those teenagers are going to do whatever they want to do. I don’t want to live like that with my teens, and I know they don’t want that either.
At this point, if you want to get to a place of trust and mutual respect, it’s going to take some work.
1. Take it out. You might be tempted to wait and see if they make you do it, but the best way to prove that you really are sorry is to go ahead and get rid of it before you’re made to do it.
2. Apologize. And you have to mean it. It’s important that you take responsibility for your actions and assure your parents that you’ve learned a lesson.
3. Put in the time. Okay, you’ve done what you can to fix the situation caused by the piercing. Now it’s important that you allow the natural time it will take for your parents to build trust in you again. Don’t push them, be yourself, and show that you’re motivated to build a more mature and mutually respectful relationship.
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I had to smile when I read this post. My daughter did that exact same thing to us–I found the receipt to the neosporin and then we confronted her. We had a rule in our home that no piercings and tattoos allowed. It hurt that she did this behind our back and we said if you don’t take it out, you can move out. Our rules. She took it out. I had spent my whole life trying to keep her safe and then she hurts her body. If it was that important to her, she should have talked with us first.
terri tiffany recently posted..Summer Update
Oh, Terri! That had to be so frustrating. I’m not sure how I would react–I was glad to have this question so I coudl think it though a bit.
Ouch!
If I’d have done that my Mum would have gone mad,and i don’t just mean mad, i mean really mad!!!
I think that if I was in that situation then i would probably take it out, apoligize and then when I had builded up that trust again, I would ask if i could have it re-pierced and if it was a no then i would obey it.
You’re a wise girl, Naomi! And I love your name.
When I was 15, my Aunt had convinced me to get one! (yes, she doesn’t want 2 ‘grow up’ at 47 still). My poor mother got at me the worse way possible – she was ‘disappointed’ in me. My punishment was to leave it in-it hurt soo bad! I never wore ‘short shirts’ & flaunted it, but now that I’m 30yrs old with a daughter, and had it out for about 9yrs-you can still see it! You may think ‘It will close’, but it will remain a huge ‘hole’ which you will have to explain, then have everyone laugh at you because your ‘old’ with a bellyring that touches your knees! Haha! It may be tempting, but girls have to realize that we all grow-up someday & gravity may no longer be our BFF’s!
I hear you on the gravity, Kristen! UGH.
Your mom was smart! It’s true that sometimes things don’t just go away because we want them to. Choices have long-lasting, sometimes permanent, effects!
Thanks, Kristen. Great to meet you!