Hannah wrote: My friend is amazing but also really mean. I’m 14 and have known this girl since I was 5. Ever since she moved to a new school she changed. She sits with the “popular group” and she joins in with some of the things they do. And whenever we plans, she blows me off ALL THE TIME. I tell her how she makes me feel and she goes off about her anxiety/panick attacks and how I’m making it worse for her. I start to feel bad, but I know she’s just using it as an excuse. She’s really nice, but in front of her other friends, she teases me about the same things she thinks are funny when we’re alone. I haven’t seen or spoken to her since my birthday–and I didn’t invite her to my party–but recently she’s been messaging me and I am worried things will restart. I don’t want her to be an enemy but she is not friend material. What should I do?
Emily answered: Since this keeps happening, I think it is time to let go. That doesn’t mean you can’t talk to her every once in a while, but you definitely shouldn’t be trying to have a deep friendship with her right now. if she changes or realizes that she’s been mean and apologizes, you can give the friendship another shot.
You asked about how to let her go. Well, you kind of already have. I mean, if someone didn’t invite me to a birthday party and wasn’t returning my texts, I’d get the hint. I’d just kind of let things continue as you are. Keep your distance and let some time pass.
Natalie said: I think you answered your question, Hannah. If she isn’t friend material, which she clearly isn’t, then just move on to other things. You don’t have to be friends with everyone. I know it’s hard because you’ve know her for a long time, but people do change as you’re seeing very clearly. There’s not really anything you can do about that.
Rather than spend a bunch of time worrying about his one girl and her bad behavior, I’d totally move on and find some good people to hang out with. Have fun! You’re only 14 once–don’t give this girl anymore of your heartache. Like Em said, if she realizes that she was wrong and comes to you with an apology, you can forgive her and try to put your friendship back together. In the meantime, don’t sweat it.
Nicole: Good advice, girls. Particularly, Hannah, I like what Natalie had to say about not needing to be everyone’s friend. You know, I struggled with that when I was your age. I wanted everyone to like me–a need that led me to making some bad choices. Fact is, we’re all different and people will head in different directions. That’s just part of life.
I shortened your original question for the purpose of this post, but I wanted to point out that several times you talked about how she was so nice and a nice friend–but that’s really not true. She’s not. She’s not being nice; she’s being a bully. So you should respond, not in a hateful way, but in a way that removes yourself from her line of fire. Why put yourself in a position that puts you at risk of being mistreated by anyone?
1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”
Ephesians 4:29-32 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.