I’m posting this in both the On Health and Fitness column and the Choose HER column because I think is a very important post for women of all ages. How we portray our outlook on our own health, fitness, body image, diets, and lifestyle choices to our daughters has a profound effect on how they view themselves. If you’re like me, you struggle with a lifelong battle with dieting. It’s a constant focus and an up and down fight with equal parts victory and failure.
But, here’s my question: Is that what God intended for us?
And here’s another question: Do our daughters deserve the weight of that legacy?
No. No. NO.
But what do you think happens when our girls watch our back-and-forth dilemma over every bite we eat? What do you think they feel when we don’t want to go out on Friday night because we have nothing to wear? How do you think they feel about us when we can never relax and enjoy a nice meal including dessert? And how do you think they feel about themselves when we refuse to put our insecurities aside to spend a day at the beach or a water park with them?
And how will they feel about themselves at our age?
And how will their daughters (our granddaughters) feel about watching the cycle repeat itself?
Because it will.
In order to break the cycle, we need to be intentional about speaking life into our daughters. They will learn that we love ourselves and them; or they will learn that we’re unsatisfied and unsuccessful…and ungrateful. So here’s my list of ten things you shouldn’t say to your daughters, and what you should say instead.
Don’t say: I’m so fat, I wish there were a pill I could take to make it all go away.
Do say: I’d love to trim up a bit so I can be more active. I’m researching healthy ways to do that. Want to help me?
Don’t say: I can’t eat that. A moment on the lips; a lifetime on the hips.
Do say: A whole serving might not be the healthiest choice for me right now, but I’d love to taste yours.
Don’t say: Sorry, can’t hang out right now, I need to spend two hours on the treadmill.
Do say: I’d love to hang out, but I had planned to exercise. How about a nice, long walk together?
Don’t say: I hate her! She’s so skinny! Must be good genes.
Do say: Nothing. There’s no need to make comparisons or draw your daughter’s attention to someone else’s looks.
Don’t say: You sure you want to eat that? I was skinny like you once, too.
Do say: For health reasons, you might want to check the serving size.
Don’t say: Yes, I’m going to wear these ten-year-old sweatpants to your school. Why bother dressing up? It’s not going to help.
Do say: Give me a second to put on something nice.
Don’t say: No way am I going to my high school reunion. All those skinny women…how humiliating!
Do say: Of course I’m going to go. How else could I show everyone pictures and brag on my kids?
Don’t say: Sure. We’ll take a beach vacation after I lose twenty pounds.
Do say: We’re going to the beach with no electronics–a day just for us!
Don’t say: Sorry sweetie, genes are cruel. You’re destined to have hips just like mine.
Do say: I think it’s great you’re focused on health and fitness already. You’re destined to have a healthy, active life.
Don’t say: If only…
Do say: I’m so grateful to God for my health and beauty…and for you!
How about you? What things have you said, then wished you could take back? What’s the positive alternative?
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I know there has to be balance. I went the opposite direction with my daughter because my mother was overly concerned with my weight as a teen. It took my husband, her soccer coach, to make us realize that not saying anything and letting her eat anything, not exercising and not making a deal out of weight, was just as bad as obsessing about it.
We both eat healthier now, take turns on our exercise machine, and encourage each other.
You can make healthy choices, but you can’t obsess about it or ignore it.
Thank you for this great post.
Cindy M. Jones recently posted..Small Town News
Good for you, Cindy! Balance. Oh, such an important key to most of life, yet so difficult to implement on some of these hard issues!
thanks for sharing. Keep at it!
I absolutely love these! I’m trying to portray a better image to my daughter who is 7 – I tell her I’m exercising because it’s healthy – she even wants to do it with me sometimes. My only thing is I just ‘started’ wearing makeup – before it use to be lipstick eyeliner thats it. But now I’m trying ‘new’ things mascara eye shadow etc. She wants to watch me and put some on as well – so I have to keep re-aasuring her that little kids dont need make up even though the ad comes on TV with kids makeup and nail polish. That God made all of us beautiful from the inside out.
Clavia “Klavzz” recently posted..BVOTD
Excellent, Clavia! You’re off to a great start. It’s definitely okay to put forth effort to look pretty and to stay fit, etc. But you’re doing the right thing by talking to her about it now rather than letting her develop assumptions about the importance of appearance.
Keep up the great work!
Thanks for coming by and commenting!!
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