For August’s Hot Buttons posts, I’m going to call our enemy out on one of the lies he tells parents. I hope you’ve recognized his wily ways before now, but if not, there’s still time!
That’s what satan says about parents’ responsibility for the spiritual upbringing of their children. Funny… it’s in direction opposition to what God has to say about it:
Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it.
Ephesians 6:4b, “…bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
I tend to get pretty riled up on this subject, so bear with me. Mom and Dad, why would you believe that it’s okay not to instruct your kids yourself, and not to put them in the path of Biblical training and instruction (church, youth group, summer camp, reading material, etc) every chance you get? I’ve had this discussion with several parents lately. Here are some of the responses I got:
- They’re teenagers–they don’t want to get up early on Sunday.
- They stay up too late on Saturday.
- I’m choosing my battles.
- They prefer youth group.
- They don’t like the other kids at church.
- God will reach them in His timing.
- They have too much homework.
- They’re grounded. (This was in regard to youth group.)
- They just talk to their friends through the whole service anyway.
- They need to make their own choice.
Are you training your kids, or are they training you?
Families are so often in a get-through-the-day mode that they lose sight of the reason for these childhood years: Training. You have a few short years to make an impact and then it’s too late. Take every single chance you have. Do the tough stuff…put in the extra effort. It will pay off–God promises it will.
1. Model it by your own Bible study, prayer life and church attendance.
2. Make it a requirement of your home that you study the Bible and attend church together–don’t fall for the liberal, universal teachings that suggest there are many paths.
3. Make sure the church you’re attending is teaching the Bible, 100%.
4. Offer them quality resources like movies and books that will help them make good choices and build on your foundational training.
It grieves me to see how the priority of spiritual training has become so eroded in our society. Let’s start in our own homes by putting first things first and doing some hard things to make the necessary changes while your kids are still under your roof. They’ll thank you for it later.
I’d love to hear your comments on this. What do you think? Should teens be “forced” to go to church with their parents? What do you do in your home?
Now, in true Hot Buttons style, I’ll give you a fictional “Strategic Scenario” you can use to put your teen in the heat of the moment. You should take this as an opportunity to see where your teenager may need some help or might face a struggle one day.
Now, tell your teen this story as though it’s really happening to him/her:
You’re so busy with school, sports, band, and friends. It’s like you never have any time to yourself. You’d love it if your parents would let you back off on some of your youth group activities, but you’re afraid to bring it up. Then one day a friend makes a statement you’d already been thinking yourself: If you don’t really want to go, maybe it’s best that you don’t. Maybe church just isn’t for you–at least right now. What do you do?
Present the following choices to your teenager:
- You ignore the doubts and put up with the church attendance–there’s no way your parents would let you out of it anyway.
- You make up excuses to get out of going to church activities as much as possible and just deal with it when you have to go.
- You reach out to some atheist friends to see what they believe and why. But you keep your doubts to yourself.
- You talk to your parents and/or pastor about your concerns.
Now let your teen make a choice between the responses without feeling judged or directed. You want the response to be as honest as possible. Remember, you’re most likely battling peer pressure and a potentially weakened self-image.
Here are some discussion points you can use to lead the conversation after the choice is made:
- What are your family beliefs, and why?
- What are the rules for church attendance, and why?
- Make a plan for dealing with doubts.
- Discuss the way your family handles overcommitment and what a balances schedule looks like.
- Talk about satan’s plan for driving a wedge and stirring up doubt.
- Pray together for wisdom and strength against his schemes.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. Proverbs 3:5-8
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Excellent, Nicole! You tell 'em! And your blog is so pretty! Makes spring seem not soooo far away.
Excellent post Nicole…as for your question, should teens be forced to attend church with their parents, the answer is unequivocally and emphatically yes, with one exception. Both our son and daughter attended church with us from the time they were small children. My son however, began attending a church of his own choosing just before high school graduation. He had been very involved in the youth group there throughout high school and then joined their worship team for the summer prior to leaving for college. We supported his decision because the teaching of his chosen church was very much like the one we attend and he felt far more connected since many of his friends attended there. I might add that he gained a great deal of scriptural insight through the youth group and young men's Bible study there. He found it more challenging than what was being offered in our church's high school class. (And please note, that isn't a criticism, it was just an unfortunate fact at the time.)
He is a junior in college now and is very active in InterVarsity and a Christian church in his college community.
We were brought up attending church but after a certain age, we were not forced to go. I continued to go because I always enjoyed church. I still do. One of my siblings rarely attends church anymore and I'm not sure he knows what he believes. Another converted to a different religion.
I think parents have to be prepared for questions and even debates, but attendance should not be optional. My children attend church and will at least until they leave home because it's what we do.
Stephanie, thanks so much!
Anon, great point! That's a very wise compromise. I'm glad it worked out well for you!! Thanks for coming by.
Patricia, great example! Thanks for sharing.
Blessings!
As long as our children lived in our home we were in church. It did not hurt me.
It’s not being “forced” – it’s an expectation. My husband and I are the only adults in our home and we made the decision that they will attend church as long as they live under our roof. The bible says, “train up a child in the way he should go…”, it also says, “honor thy Mother and Father…” Neither of my children can tell me what they will and won’t do – we can have a discussion about it but when it’s all said and done we make the decisions. We love our children and we are charged to raise them according to God’s word. What’s really scary is that there is a generation of young people who don’t know anything about God and His love.
Our children are required to go with us. Every once in a while we do let our teen stay home but it’s not often. It’s very difficult when they do not want to go to church, stop wanting to attend youth group and any youth functions. But I think my oldest has some anxiety issues over these things verses actually hating them. Once he goes, he has a good time but it sure makes things difficult when you are always having to force the issue. I don’t want my kid to be there with a bad attitude, one the youth pastor has to deal with and thankfully, that hasn’t happened. We pick our battles. Our children’s eternity is worth the battle.
Mel recently posted..Fishers Of Men
Since it is a priority for my husband and i then our kids will go. And if mom and dad head the example then they should expect their kids to go. It is also important to attend church that follows the bible and not man-made traditions, or opinions that I agree with- but teaches my kids and disciples them (and us) on growing in a personal relationship w Jesus Christ. Knowing, learning and living Gods word is key. If I don’t know Gods word for myself, how can I honestly discern or test what I and my kids are being taught? I want my kids to see a mom who prays reads Gods word and attends/serves the church–God is my strength, nothing of my own that is for sure!
Oooh, y’all are making me a happy mama!
I could never figure out why parents INSIST that their children attend school every day, but it’s an option to attend church once a week (maybe twice). Is the world’s education so much more important than the Lord’s? I do not believe the church should be our main source of instruction (our homes should be), but the church is definitely our “spiritual” school where we learn how to advance the kingdom of God on this earth!
Great point, Karol. Love the comparison!!
TOTALLY agree!!! It’s work to train children, but they are such as blessing as they follow the Lord! Children are the greatest gifts from God, let’s not ignore them.
Sooooo agree! Love it. Thanks for posting, Lynell!