Betsy St. Amant: On Good Girls

By Betsy St. Amant

As Good Girls, we’re used to getting things done.

Typically, we’re used to taking charge, being in control, being a leader, and making good decisions for ourselves and even for others. That’s what we’re supposed to do, right? Because those friends/family members/loved ones who aren’t walking with God don’t need to make those choices for themselves…right?

::Insert loud buzzer sound here::

Wrong. The choices of those around us—even those we love most—are not our responsibility.

You’ve heard the saying “Kids say the darn-dest things.”

Well, so do parents.

For example: Earlier this week, I was buckling my preschooler into her booster seat (yes, we’ve officially graduated from a toddler car-seat to a booster seat, and she is oh so very proud!) on a super chilly morning. (33-degree mornings are somewhat odd for north Louisiana in late March. Global warming, yeah right!) We’ve been keeping a small blanket in the car for just such occasions lately, and that morning was no exception. I buckled her in, then went to tuck the blanket around her at the same time she was trying to lean forward and reach a book from the back of the seat in front of her.… continue reading

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Light and Dark, by Betsy St Amant

As Good Girls, we’re used to the light. We like the light. And why wouldn’t we? It’s shiny. We can see. It’s bright and warm and comforting. After all, we don’t have multiple skeletons in multiple closets we’re hoping the world doesn’t discover by wielding a flashlight (no, we’re not perfect, and Good Girls still sin, but if you’ve been reading my previous columns you know where I stand on all that already)

Light is good. Darkness is bad.

Right? Because Darkness is where the scary things lurk. Darkness is where we stub our toe, trip, and stumble. Darkness is where the monsters hide and uncertainty, doubt, and confusion reign. Darkness is where we can’t see. There’s nothing pretty, warm or comforting about Darkness.

But sometimes, that’s exactly where Jesus leads us.

Stop gasping. Close your mouth. Quit blinking at me in confusion. You know I’m right. But how can that be, you ask? How could Jesus, who IS Light, take us into Darkness—on purpose? That doesn’t make sense.

It does. Makes perfect sense.

Because He’s Light, HE can see. We can’t. But He guides us. Walk us right past the shadows, right past the monsters, and right past the fears.… continue reading

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By Betsy St Amant

New Year’s Day can either bring great joy or great despair for good girls. We’re either excited for the opportunity of another year to shine, or anxious over all the ways we might fail in the next twelve months.

We really need to fall somewhere in the middle.

As Good Girls, we shouldn’t let a false sense of pride or an overbearing sense of confidence drive us into a new year. If you’re thinking “Make resolutions? HA! What could I possibly have to work on?” then chances are, you’re too far to one side.

But if your list of resolutions is so long you feel sick to your stomach and guaranteed of failure, you’re ambling down the other side. Both extremes are fatal.

Here’s the thing. Good Girls know they’re not perfect, and always have room to grow. They trust God to do a work in their heart and in their life on their behalf—they know that without God, nothing good is possible and that their own strength runs out way too quickly. (can I get an Amen?)

Whether you have one resolution or twenty six on your heart this year, STOP. Take a deep breath.… continue reading

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Good girls aren’t angels. We aren’t perfect, as we all know. We sin with the best of them, and worst yet, because of our squeaky clean reputations, our sin often goes hidden much longer than others. I’ve joked with my husband before that I could get away with anything—ANYTHING—at least one time, the more horrible the better. Because no one would believe it. No one would think me capable of such a thing.

But I am capable.

And you know? So are you.

Good girls aren’t immune. Regardless of how it looks from the outside, regardless of the lie our reputation might suggest—if we even have halos, well, they’re pretty bent and rusty and have long since lost their glitter.

But we feel that pressure to keep up the image. To hide our true self for fear of disappointing our loved ones, fear of failing the people we value in our lives. We’re afraid that our own value is based on being good, on having the squeaky clean reputation, of having it all together. After all, we don’t do the Bad Things our friends do—so what would people think if they could see our thoughts? The motives of our good deeds?… continue reading

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By Betsy St. Amant

The Pressure’s OFF

Good Girls are often expected to have all the answers. And not just in class, though we carry that reputation too. (Hey, just because we’re Good Girls doesn’t automatically mean we know the square root or how to diagram that sentence! Right?)

Who cares if we know what designer Anne Hathaway wore at the last awards show or what date Breaking Dawn Part 2 releases or how many licks it really takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop….No, we’re expected to know the important stuff. The hard stuff. The stuff that matters.

I mean, after all—you’re the one your friends come to when they’re having a bad day or broke up with their boyfriend or didn’t get the part in the school play, or on the cheer-leading squad or the football team. You’re the one they come to when they’re scared or hurting or need prayer. You’re the one they look up to and desire to be around when times get rough.

Because they see your relationship with God, they see your goodness from Him, they see His holiness in you. They see you have something they don’t, and they chalk it up to answers.… continue reading

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Sometimes Good Girls have Bad Thoughts

I don’t mean when Jacob takes off his shirt in New Moon, though there’s definitely that. No, I’m talking about the kind of thoughts that leave us crippled. The thoughts that paralyze us and make us handicapped for God’s kingdom. I’m talking about the type of thoughts that take over and consume us with guilt, regret, dismay, and fear. Imprison us with chains of jealousy, bitterness, insecurity, and hate.

The kind of thoughts that kill, steal and destroy.

John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

Satan wants to harm you. God sent Jesus to save you.

I know who I want to believe!

Did you know every Good Girl believes a lie?

Which lie is specific to you, and it plays on repeat in your head. Your lie might be “I’m not beautiful.” Or “I don’t matter.” Or “I’m not good enough.” Or “God can’t forgive me.” Or any mixture of the above, or anything else you believe about yourself that isn’t true. Oh it sounds true. It feels true. People have told you things or you’ve experienced things in your life that make you believe it’s true.… continue reading

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There’s another danger that comes with being a Good Girl—a danger that catches us off guard…a danger that, once fully embraced, can sweep our sturdy feet of faith right out from underneath us.

It’s the danger of believing that Bad Things don’t happen to Good Girls.

It’s easy—almost scarily so—to fall into the mistaken mindset that if we do our part, God will do His. That if we read our Bible every day and remember to pray before eating dinner, then God won’t let us fail our math test or get sick on Prom night. Surely if we make efforts to witness to our friends and invite them to youth group, God will heal our family member that has cancer or will convince our boyfriends not to dump us—right?!
We end up subconsciously placing God on a scale we can relate to, scales we learn about in school. Supply and demand. 2 + 2 = 4. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

In other words, we try to squish God into a box we can tote around, or worse, like a genie in a lamp. We do our job and rub the lamp, God does His job and floats out to grant our wish.… continue reading

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By Betsy St. Amant

When you’re a Good Girl, you can really get into trouble.

Not necessarily the traditional kind of trouble, because as Good Girls, we’re taught not to abuse alcohol, experiment with drugs, hang out with the “bad crowd”, cheat on tests, or skip school. We’re often not even tempted by those opportunities, and think the people who do are a little crazy.

No, I’m talking about the more subtle version of trouble, the trouble that starts with a capital T because of its severity. This kind of trouble lurks inside us, is often invisible to others, and wraps deep-lancing tentacles around our hearts.

This Trouble is named Judgment.

When you’re a born and raised Good Girl, you often get put on a pedestal. And be honest—you like it. It’s fun being raised above the rest, being recognized and praised for your wisdom and good decisions. It helps make the persecution for not giving in to Peer Pressure a little easier to bear, right? We might not be getting invites to the cool-kids keg parties at school, but we’re getting high-fives from our pastor and rave referrals on job applications from the deacon’s wives.

But that pedestal is wobbly—especially when you start thinking of yourself as Holier than Thou, instead of just as Holy.… continue reading

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By Betsy St. Amant

Good girls. Bad boys.

They sort of go together, don’t they? In phrasing, at least. In book themes. (I should know, my YA novel ADDISON BLAKELY, CONFESSIONS OF A PK is right there!) In clichés. In song lyrics.

And too often, in real life.

Ever heard of missionary dating? That’s where a good Christian girl (or vice versa as the case might be) tries to convert her non-Christian boyfriend by dating him. Yikes. Risky ground there.

Unfortunately, the good girls typically turn into bad girls much more frequently than the bad boys turn into good guys. (or vice versa)

Evil corrupts, you guys. Just think of the Israelites in the Bible. How many times did they run off after foreign gods (idols) because they married women who worshipped foreign gods? That’s a strong influence.

Growing up, my youth pastor was a big fan of the chair example. He’d get two guys from the audience to come to the stage during Wednesday night service. One guy would stand on a dining room chair. The other would stand in front of him on the floor. The guy in the chair would try to pull the other guy up. It wouldn’t work.… continue reading

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by Betsy St. Amant 

What does being a Good Girl mean to you? Does it mean always doing the right thing, while gritting your teeth and pushing away the urge to do what you really want to do? Or does it mean doing the right thing because that’s truly your desire?

What’s the difference?

Is there one?

I think so.

I think being a Good Girl means ultimately means being a God Girl. And that means being more caught up in the heart and the motive behind our actions than in the actions themselves. That’s how God sees it.

Think about it. It’s hard enough to do the right thing for the wrong reasons. But it’s really hard to do the right thing for the right reasons.

In the choices you make, where is your heart? Are your motives pure? Or are you sucking it up and getting it done because you have to? Because you think you don’t have a choice or because you’re looking to please man instead of God?

God knows our hearts. “For the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts.” (1 Chronicles 28:9)

It’s sort of like when we stub our toe or get a paper-cut and say “fishsticks” instead of what we really want to say.… continue reading

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Have you ever wanted something so badly, you almost hurt for it? Maybe it was a new pair of shoes, a certain pair of jeans, or your favorite dessert. Maybe it was a desire toward a new guy in class or for making the best grade on a project at school. Whatever it was, you got this craving, and suddenly it became all you could think about.

(Side note – when I was expecting my daughter I never craved the weird stuff like peanut butter and pickle ice cream, but I did have quite the obsession for baked Cheetos and Care Bear fruit snacks. Go figure.)

Cravings don’t have to be bad. It’s good, for instance, when we crave water or healthy snacks like veggies and fruits. It’s good when we crave time with our families. It’s even good to pine after a fun piece of clothing or your first car, as long as it teaches you to work hard and save up for it.

The problem is when our cravings reach the consumption level and take over our thoughts—and then our actions.

Sin is the same way.

I found this out the hard way lately. Let me explain.

This Good Girl has been working out regularly in the gym for months.… continue reading

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By Betsy St. Amant

I’m a Good Girl from way back. In fact, my mom told me once she feared I’d never “get saved”, because I was such a naturally good kid growing up.

It’s true. As a child, all it took was for my dad to give me The Look or my mom to say “I’m disappointed in you” and BAM. Uber-punishment. I didn’t need spankings or time-outs because just knowing I had upset them was enough to make me cry and be repentant. God gave me a super-sensitive spirit even as a kid.

I remember one summer, when I was about eight years old, it was bedtime but I needed a shower from playing outside all day. I didn’t want to take one, just wanted to crash, so I rushed through my shower, barely hopping in and out. My mom asked me “Did you even use soap?” And I said “Yes.”

I lied.

And it haunted me the entire time I laid in bed. So much, in fact, that I had to get up and go tell them the truth. I expected a huge punishment for lying, yet all I got was a headshake, a chuckle, and a “go take another shower.”

Yeah.… continue reading

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This is a test post in Besty St. Amant’s column, On Good Girls. The first column will go live on 4/7, and then the first Saturday of each month.

… continue reading

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