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This week on Parent Talk, Cara Putman and Nicole O’Dell on Being Supermom

(This Week’s Parent Talk Podcast)

Cara Putman is the Choose NOW Ministries columnist on the issue of Doing it All. Why do we do this to ourselves as parents? Whose standards are we trying to live up to? Will we ever feel like we’ve met the expectations society has for us? Is there a better way?

Hear from the Do-It-All Mom herself, Cara Putman. Cara is an attorney, author, professor, work-at-home-mom, homeschooler, laundress, cook, shopper, etc. She definitely does…it…all!

Cara and I will look at those things and more as we dive into this issue headfirst. You ready? I know I am! (Spoken like a true supermom!)

And, Nicole O’Dell on dealing with Tragedy

In the second segment of Parent Talk this week, I’ll be looking at what we need to do as parents to help our teens and tweens deal with tragedy and the fear it can cause. Events like the Newtown shootings, the Boston Marathon bombings, the attacks on the World Trade Center…they are real, and increasingly common events, and without the right context, they can elicit feelings of fear and unrest.… continue reading

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Supermom Duty, by Cara Putman

There are days when being a Mom is absolutely, utterly draining. The days when one child after another comes to me, needy, clingy, and filled with attitude. There are days I’d love to check out — even for fifteen, uninterrupted minutes.

My son in this photo is 2.5. Yesterday he was a newborn I was meeting for the first time. Tomorrow he’ll be six, then ten, then fifteen. My 12.5 year old is knocking on the door to becoming a teenager when I could swear just yesterday she was five and beginning the adventure of school and growing up.

I adore my kids, but somedays being a mother is exhausting. So I take the kids to the library and read a book rather than interact with them. Or we go to the park and out comes my phone so I can catch up on something. And of course, that’s the day when there’s a challenge to moms to get out of our phones and notice our kids. Ironic timing.

So how can we balance being present for our kids and staying on Supermom Duty with the need to refill?

1) Remember parenting is a season.… continue reading

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What is there to do on long winter weekends?

By Cara Putman

This photo makes me nostalgic for the days my older two were the ages of my younger two. Ah…if only we had snow like that this year! A winter weekend is upon us and one of the challenges for all moms when the weather is bitter is what can we do? Here are a few ideas and I’d love to hear yours, too:

1) Grab the heavy weather gear and move.

Put all those mittens, hats, and scarves to good use. Find some snow boots, and strike out on an adventure. Walk through the mounds of snow if you’re lucky enough to have it. If not, see if your town has ice skating, hockey or other cold weather activities. I heard on the radio that in Iowa their climbing ice on the sides of silos. Who knows what your community may have!

2) Dig out the blankets and a stack of old movies.

Hunker down with a comfy blanket on a cold winter weekend, and prepare to laugh together over the antics of a classic movie. Maybe it’s Home Alone. Maybe it’s Arsenic and Old Lace. But find something that will have your entire family laughing outloud and build a memory.… continue reading

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By Cara Putman

One  question I often get asked is how can we as busy women find time for romance. Oy, I wish I had this one down. Sometimes life feels like that old country song: Hey Cinderella, how’s the slipper fitting now?

We all want to believe that once we get married, the fairy tale will go on forever. But if we’re honest with ourselves, sometimes life just gets in the way. Add in children, and it can be next to impossible to find time to be a twosome let alone have evenings filled with romance, roses, and passion.

While I will be the first to admit I do not have this down, here are a few ideas, and I’d love to see your suggestions!

1)     Make romance a priority. Like anything else, if it’s important, we will find ways to squeeze it in to our jam-packed schedules. One thing I’ve learned is that I can’t always wait for my husband to initiate a date night. So sometimes I have to swallow my longing to be the one being pursued and just pick a night and make it happen. If it’s important, then that’s what I have to do.… continue reading

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By Cara Putman

A few weeks ago, I asked people for feedback on what topics they’d like to see covered. One of the first suggestions struck home What about those days we feel like a failure as a mom?

Raise you hand if you’ve ever had a failure day like that. Can you see my hand waving? I have so been there.

The day where I struggle to get out of bed. Then I struggle to keep my temper as the house seems to disintegrate around me. Or the kids pick at each other until I’m ready to cry uncle. Don’t get me wrong…I have great kids. Some of the best I could ask for, but they’re still…well…kids. Or the days I look with longing out the window and wonder what it would be like to see at least a couple of my children off on the school bus. Then there are the days someone asks me how to homeschool – with this look of expectation that just makes me want to laugh or cry.

I am human.

I make huge mistakes with my kids. I lose my temper. Wish I could recall words. Beg God to erase their memories or give them the grace to realize God is nothing like me.… continue reading

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Shucking Corn with Grandma

Ever have times where you think things were much easier 100 years ago? Families lived in close proximity and we didn’t have to raise our kids alone? It’s so easy to glamorize the past – but I for one love indoor plumbing and electricity. I also love my kids to be connected to their extended family of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and more.

What’s a mom to do when life keeps us moving so fast and the miles separate us from loved ones?

Here are a few things I do with my kids to try to build those bonds across the miles:

1)   Make the commitment to visit. It’s not always convenient, but it’s important. My kids can’t have a connection with my parents if they never see them. Connections take time, so you have to build it in. For my family that means a week at Christmas and ideally another week at some point during the year.

2)   Plan that the time will be focused on connecting. That means hours of playing and hanging out. My kids have their rooms at both grandparents’ houses. They settle in the moment we arrive and feel at home because there is a place for them and their things.… continue reading

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By Cara Putman

Do you ever have days where if you uttered one word of advice you’d be a fraud?

This has been one of those days.

We are a week back from Germany, and I am absolutely-completely-stick-a-fork-in-me done. I took the weekend slow, and then jumped back into all of my activities because that’s what I do…I am after all the do-it-all mom. But these Wonder Woman bracelets are feeling a wee bit tarnished.

So today I just want to admit…publicly…that being someone like me is exhausting. It’s wearing and I don’t do a good job of taking care of me. And that leads by extension to not doing a good job with all the roles I juggle.

Can anyone relate?

So before all of you, I confess that I’m going to try – again—to find ways to bring some balance back into my life. That might have to wait until after the ACFW conference, but that’s another story J But I want to find ways to have date time with my husband…every week…even if it’s just sitting on the front porch with a Duplo (German chocolate) talking after the kids are in bed.

I want to find ways to better be present for my kids.… continue reading

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by Cara Putman

I don’t know about you, but I often have grandiose dreams about the exercise goals I can accomplish. Then reality sets in and I have to acknowledge I am a mother of four – two of whom are small. And I don’t have a gym membership.

Even so, physical fitness is important to me. When I don’t find a way to wedge it into my days, I get grouchy, stressed, and depending on the day ansty. If I’ve established any sort of exercise routine, my body lets me know that it appreciates the chance to let off steam. So what’s a homeschooling mom to do?

Over the years, I’ve had to get creative.

• For a wonderful season, I met twice a week with a neighbor to do Body Pump while her girls napped. We’d turn her basement into our personal gym and push our bodies while connecting and fellowshipping. Then she moved. I still haven’t recovered!

• I’ve trained for the Indianapolis 500 mini-marathon. There is nothing like knowing you will run 13.1 miles the first weekend in May to make this girl get on the treadmill or outdoors to run the miles necessary to not fall on my face.
… continue reading

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It’s that time of year when parents thoughts turn toward where their kids should go to school in the fall. For some, their thoughts will turn to homeschooling. How can you evaluate whether homeschooling might be right for your family?

I have often heard my mom tell people that homeschooling is for every child…it’s just not for every parent. What she means is that every child can thrive in a one-on-one tutoring type instruction. It simply makes sense. Place a child with a caring instructor who can tailor his or her learning to the needs of that child and the child will learn and excel.

However, not every parent has the discipline, patience, endurance to make homeschooling work. I love my kiddos. Adore them even, but there are still days that it would be a lot easier to send them to a school. Fortunately, my kids would still do fine in a regular classroom environment. Yet we choose to keep them home even as we discuss the options available to us.

Why?

• Homeschooling is a calling. It may not be a forever calling…I honestly don’t know…but I know this is where our kids are supposed to be right now.
• It allows our kids to accelerate at their own pace.
… continue reading

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Parenting Styles: there’s one for everybody

by Cara Putman

A few weeks ago, we had some friends over for dinner. They came with their clan that mixed with our clan and a glorious time was had by all…until one of the boys decided to send a chair down the stairs with our little angel on it.  She survived without being battered or bruised, and his parents took him to task for his carelessness.

As I thought back to that night, I realized it set up a great dichotomy. My husband’s reaction to the manner our friends parented was that it was overly-strict. I simply reminded him that he tends to be grace-laden. So far that’s worked with our kids, but I won’t be surprised if one of our younger two requires a firmer hand.

This got me thinking. There are so many factors that go into parenting.

• The temperament of each child
• What issues/vices that child is struggling with at that point in time
• The parent’s background
• The age of the child

I’m sure you could add to my list. I tend to be very black and white. As a result, I’ve focused on asking God to help me see each child and the heart issues that need to be addressed if any.… continue reading

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It’s that time of year. The time of year where if two homeschooling moms get together — even if it’s in the aisles of Wal-Mart — their thoughts turn to how their kids measure up.

It’s that time where we wonder if we’ve really done a good job. How would our kids compare to others? What if they got thrust into a traditional classroom? Would they be okay? Where would they be ahead? Where might they be behind?

Ack! What’s a mom to do?

This is the point in the school year where I take an honest assessment of my kids. Spelling has never been our strong suit. For my 8 year old it’s math facts. The kind that come with lots of flash cards. I’m a good speller, but I hate the roteness of it which means I struggle to make sure my kids get what they need. The same with multiplication and division facts. This year I finally found a program that seems to fit us…but now, I wonder if I need to move my oldest back to a more traditional approach. The questions and doubts never end. Here’s how I try to handle the questions.

1) Research. I ask other moms.… continue reading

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So, I’m to be a regular columnist here at Choose Now Ministries? And I’m dubbed the Do-It-All-Mom? Do-It-All-Mom? Me?

It’s a wee bit intimidating. Ya know?

So I’ve been thinking about it. Do I do it all?

Yes, I’m a mom to the four amazing kiddos in the picture. I am forever grateful that God has entrusted them to us.

Yes, I’m an attorney, but I’m definitely in a season of slowing that down. I stay involved in a couple areas, but I’m not doing litigation, my favorite area, because it doesn’t fit with my life right now. A choice I’d make again — even though I love litigation.

Yes, I’m a contract lecturer at a University and adjunct faculty at a community college. I LOVE teaching and am so grateful God opened these doors. Lest you think otherwise, remember this too is part time.

Yes, I’m a writer — between the hours of nine and midnight most weeks…because that’s when my kids sleep.

Yes, I’m a homeschool mama — it’s a joy and honestly frustrating. If I can be real, I love watching my kids learn. But there are times I long for them to join the school bus crowd.… continue reading

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