Hot Buttons: Dating Editing, and Hot Buttons: Internet Edition release on 6/1

You remember what it was like to want to go tot he big concerts with all your friends, don’t you? I sure do! In fact, one of my first acts of major rebellion was to sneak out of my house to go see Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith. I know…I was craaa-aaa-zy!

Maybe you’d allow a MWS, Skillet, or Third Day concert, but would say no to some others. That’s great. Use your discernment to decide what’s right for your tweens and teens, and then stick to it.

But…

I hope you’re having regular conversations with your teens about how to handle the pressure to say one thing and do another. It’s easy to fall into the trap of lying to Mom and Dad and then doing whatever peer pressure and temptation dictates. It often takes advanced preparation to enable your kids to say no in those circumstances.

To help with that preparation, let’s take a look at a Hot Button scenario you can use in your home. I hope you’ll use this to steer some great conversations with your kids.

Now, in true HOT BUTTONS fashion, tell your teen this story as though it’s really happening to him/her:

Your friends are all going to this super cool concert. You’re desperate to join them, especially when you find out that all the cool kids are going. You know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your mom and dad will say no. NO WAY, in fact. What do you do? (This scenario would work equally well with a movie and a theater.)

Present the following choices to your teenager:

1. You don’t even bother asking for permission. You’ll just stay home.
2. You ask anyway. Miracles have happened.
3. You ask for permission to go to a concert that night, but you tell your parents is for a band they’d approve of.
4. You lie and tell your parents you’re staying at a friend’s house–making no mention of a concert at all.

Now let your teen make a choice between the responses without feeling judged or directed. You want the response to be as honest as possible.

Here are some discussion points you can use to lead the conversation after the choice is made:

• Staying home or making other plans isn’t the worst thing that could happen.
• How’s the attitude if you do have to miss the concert?
• What if you lied about your whereabouts and then someone got hurt?
• When in doubt, just say no.
• Discuss music and movie choices, and why they’re important.
• Always be ready to talk about why you and your family have boundaries like that in place.
• Use this as an opportunity to share your faith in God with your friends. Tell them why honesty is important to you.

Your teen gets along with everyone and has a basic trust in people in general. Are you sure that she/he would know how to identify the very first stages of inappropriate behavior? Would your tween or teen know the difference between a fatherly hug and a creepy one? What about playful teasing and friendly banter as opposed to innuendo?

You can’t assume the differentiation is instinctual. It’s not for everyone. Take me for example…I’m a HORRIBLE judge of character when it comes to stuff like that. I always assume people mean no harm. In most cases, they don’t. But it only takes being wrong one time for the world to crash in.

Now, in true HOT BUTTONS fashion, tell your teen this story as though it’s really happening to him/her:

Your favorite teacher has been awesome all year. Lots of fun–laughing, treats in class, relaxed rules. . .he even allows you guys to use your cell phones and text or go on facebook in class. He rarely gives homework, and it seems like he really just wants to make a difference. He’s always been affectionate with side hugs and high fives, but now that you all know each other so well, he’s giving full on hugs. One night after the game, you’re without a ride home and he offers to drive you. You really don’t want to stand out in the cold waiting, so what do you do?

Present the following choices to your teenager:

• You totally take the ride! How cool that he would offer.
• You take the ride, but only with permission from Mom and Dad.
• You call for permission, but even so, something doesn’t feel right, so you politely decline and wait for your mom.
• You tell him you appreciate the offer, but you can’t get in the car with anyone, so you’ll just wait. Then you let the principal know the teacher is taking things a little too far with the hugs and the offer of rides.

Now let your teen make a choice between the responses. Here are some discussion points you can use to lead the conversation:

• Never, ever get in a car alone with anyone without your parents permission.
• Be on alert with teachers, youth workers, and other adults.
• Friendship isn’t bad, but there have to be boundaries.
• When in doubt, just say no.
• Always be ready to talk about why you and your family have boundaries and commitments like that in place.

I’m choosing this issue for this week because it goes along with one of the topics on Teen Talk Radio, and it’s also the main topic in book three of the Diamond Estates series, The Shadowed Onyx, which I’ve just started writing.

So what happens if your teen comes face to face with occult practices like the use of a Ouija board or a psychic or fortune teller? Would she/he know what to do?

Now, in true HOT BUTTONS fashion, tell your teen this story as though it’s really happening to him/her:

You’re at a friend’s house with a few other people. You’re just hanging out, and you’re all kind of bored. Someone pulls out a Ouija board and suggest you guys just play around with it. Everyone else is eager to jump right in. What do you do?

Present the following choices to your teenager:

• You don’t know a whole lot about it, so you’d probably just play along until you figured it out.
• You divert everyone’s attention by ordering pizza. Hopefully they’ll forget about the Ouija board.
• You call home for permission
• You don’t feel comfortable with it at all, so you go home.

Now let your teen make a choice between the responses. Here are some discussion points you can use to lead the conversation:

• Nothing is really done in secret.
• Once you dabble in the occult, you have entered a world you don’t want to play with.
• This will come up with other things like alcohol, supervision, etc. Decide now how you’ll handle it.
• When in doubt, just say no.
• Always be ready to talk about why you and your family have boundaries like that in place.
• Use this as an opportunity to share your faith in God and why things like Ouija boards are evil.