So excited!!! Not only has Girl Talk released, but Natalie and Emily are going to be my guests on Teen Talk Radio tonight!
We’re going to be fielding some reader’s questions on the spot! I have a small stack set aside already, but you can also call in with your questions. You’ll want to call between 10-10:45pm EST at 877-864-4869.
Some samples of tonight’s questions are:
“My BFF is after my boyfriend. . .”
“I don’t like the church my parents drag me to. . .”
“I think I might be anorexic. . .”
Girl Talk releases on 2/1 in bookstores everywhere like right here on Amazon. If you’re local to Champaign, IL, my two co-authors, Natalie (14) and Emily (11) and I will be at the Family Bookstore on 2/4 to launch the book, then again in the Orland Park store on 2/11.
We’ve had several questions about the upcoming Girl Talk release on 2/1. Several of you have wanted to know if there’s anywhere you can go to meet up with us or if there are any “Girl Talky” event on the schedule. So, we thought we’d take the opportunity of this week’s Girl Talk column to answer!
Yes. We are so excited to be able to invite you to several events on the web and in person. There are many, many opportunities to win books and read interviews, etc, on blogs and websites! Plus a couple of bookstore events where Natalie, Emily, and I will be signing copies of Girl Talk and cutting cake to share with YOU!
Also, as we near February, there’s still time and room for more, more, more! If you have a site and would like to host a giveaway with an interview or whatever, just leave a comment or contact me .
…more TBA later…
And, since I have you here. . .lol. . .here’s the Girl Talk trailer. Have you seen it yet? Barbour did such a great job with it. I love that it’s only 49 seconds!! Take a look!
Hope to see you at one of the signings, or on the blog tour somewhere on the net. 
Morgan wrote: Okay, so I have this friend that is not doing so well. She is mad at her family, she says really mean things to other people, and she is choosing the wrong group of friends. We have been B.F.F.’s since I was 6 years old and I know that this is not like her. I feel like she really needs me, but on the other hand she has lied about me and really hurt me. I want to be the friend that will be there no matter what, but I don’t want to be a doormat. What should I do?
Natalie said: Morgan, you remind me a lot of myself, here. I like to be there for anyone and remain loyal to people no matter what. No matter what came before, or what they’ve done, I always have gone back to those friends who have hurt me. Recently, though, I’ve been thinking about boundaries. It’s okay to set boundaries around your life and your heart so you can still be the good person you are, but not set yourself up for being hurt again. Trust has to be earned and if your friend wants you in her life, she’ll have to earn her way past your boundaries by showing she’s sorry, not just saying it.
But, even with boundaries in place and trust at stake, don’t stay rooted in the past. Let go of your anger, offer forgiveness, and move on even as you protect yourself from more hurt.
Emily answered: I agree with my sister, but I also think you really need to tell her how you feel. She needs to understand that she could lose you in her life if she keeps treating you this way.
Hi, Morgan, it’s Nicole now. First of all, big hugs. It’s so hard when you’re hurt by people you really care about. People make mistakes, and it’s good to forgive, but you definitely need to set some boundaries, like Natalie said. Distancing yourself until your friend figures out that she’s behaving badly is a really good idea. That doesn’t mean you’re holding a grudge, it just means you’re taking care of yourself.
In this case, it’s pretty clear your friend is going through some tough things. That doesn’t mean you excuse her behavior, but it might be worth thinking about. You should pray for her, talk to her, offer her a hug, and then leave the rest up to her.
A true friend is one who will tell her friend when she is messing up. You need to tell her, and then let go for a time. She’ll come around if you two are meant to be B.F.F.s!!
Girl Talk is a regular feature at www.nicoleodell.com. Do you have questions? You can post them here or Contact us here.
Hey there, my name is Chloe, and I’m from South Africa. I have a problem here. I have a few friendships going with some people and feel that they are all wrong. Sure, they comfort me and help me when I’m down, but most of the time they make me feel sad or upset, for no real reason, something I can’t explain. It’s so bad that I can’t even use social networks anymore. What is happening to me?
Natalie said: I see a few things happening here. One thing that concerns me is cyber bullying. If you feel uncomfortable for any reason, on social networks, first print out any proof of things that have been said to you, then avoid the setting completely. You aren’t required to check in on Facebook or anywhere else online, so if you don’t want to, don’t. Or, weed through your online friendships and make your corner of the cyber world a safe place for you to be by only surrounding yourself with people who will build you up, not tear you down.
The other concern I have is that you’re feeling down a lot. It might be hormonal; I deal with that a lot, too. Or it might be that you’ve gotten yourself involved with the wrong people. It’s hard for me to know for sure without knowing more about the situation. I recommend that you talk openly and honestly to a parent or someone you trust about this.
Emily is going to sit this one out because this is definitely related to age, and she’s not quite there yet.
Hi, Chloe, it’s Nicole now. I think you’re really smart to try to figure this out, and I think Natalie had EXCELLENT insight and advice for you. I think you should definitely do as she suggested:
You don’t have to defend why you feel uncomfortable or sad in your friendships. The fact is, you do. That’s enough to show you that something needs to change. It’s time to branch out of your comfort zone and make some new friends, don’t you think?
Girl Talk is a regular feature at www.nicoleodell.com. Do you have questions? You can post them here or Contact us here.
Selena wrote: The first part of my question is for Natalie and Emily. Do you guys have any friends your parents really like, but you know they wouldn’t if they really knew what those friends were like…for real? And Nicole, do you think you really know all of their friends deep down? Would you be surprised if you found out things weren’t always as they seem?
Emily answered: Yes. I have one friend in particular who was my good friend for a while. She was always sweet around my parents, but would get mean and angry when adults weren’t around. Sometimes it was really annoying when she’d pretend to be one way, then act completely different when we were alone. I didn’t really know the real her.
Natalie replied: Oh yeah! I have a couple of friends who are very different when they aren’t around adults at all. Honestly, I don’t really like it. It’s hypocritical when someone pretends to be one way and then acts completely the opposite. I have a hard time trusting people like that. How is it possible to really know the truth about them?
Nicole said: The mom in me wants to know why you’re asking this! lol
But, to answer your question, no, I don’t think that I fully know the inner-workings of all my kids’ friends. I wish there were some way to gather that info, but it’s just not possible. As a mom, I have to rely on three things when I support or discourage friendships:
With those three factors, I feel pretty comfortable that even when others aren’t what they seem, it’ll work out. I’ll find out some way, or my girls will feel uncomfortable with the relationship.
Selena, it’s really important to associate with people who will encourage you to do the right thing. Make sure that even if your parents like someone, you’re choosing to spend time with her for the right reasons. Don’t use your parent’s misinformation as an excuse to do what you know is wrong.
Girl Talk is a regular feature at www.nicoleodell.com. Do you have questions? You can post them here or Contact us here.
Amber wrote: I hate my clothes. I think it’s totally unfair that I can’t dress like my friends. My parent’s are divorced, and my mom won’t buy anything unless it’s super on sale. In fact, she’d prefer free! A lot of times I end up wearing clothes from garbage bags of stuff her friends’ kids’ don’t want anymore. Sometimes, kids at school recognize the clothes they threw away when my mom makes me wear them to school. What can I do to get her to understand how important is it to dress like everyone else when you’re in 8th grade? Emily answered: Have you talked with your mom honestly about this? I think that should be your first step. Really try to get her to understand how hard it is to go through what you’re describing. I totally get it; I would hate it too.
Natalie replied: I totally understand what you’re feeling, but I also feel really sorry for your mom right now. I’m guessing she can’t afford to buy you the things you want, and probably feels kind of bad about it. I’m sure she isn’t trying to make it hard on you. It might be time to stop and think about what’s really important. I promise you, clothes aren’t it!
Nicole said: I agree. As a mom who wants my kids to be happy, I believe your mom probably struggles with this issue. Sounds like there’s a bit of a financial struggle going on. You really can’t know what that’s like, Amber, until you try to raise a family on one income. It’s very scary to have all of that responsibility resting on your shoulders. You need to try to lighten that load, not pile more pressure on. Be grateful for what you get and don’t whine about what you don’t.
That being said, I’m all for my kids working to earn money to buy the extras they want. They do chores, they babysit…whatever comes up. If you have a strong work ethic, and you’re resourceful enough to find a part time gig, go for it. But be wise about what you spend–it adds up quickly.
Girl Talk is a regular feature at www.nicoleodell.com. Do you have questions? You can post them here or Contact us here.
Jenna wrote: My mom is always on me about what I wear. I just don’t see why it should matter to her. I mean, she got to wear the things she wanted to wear when she was young–the styles are different now, though. She won’t let me wear any shirts that show even a fraction of my stomach and I have to actually bend over in jeans to prove to her that nothing shows in the back, if you know what I mean. She even says there’s stuff in the Bible about the way to dress right. Is that true? What should I do to change her mind?Emily answered: I can understand that you’d want her to change her mind, but maybe she’s right. Maybe she’s just looking out for what’s best for you. It’s possible that, in a couple of years, when you’re older, you will both agree more about the things you want to wear. I don’t always agree with my parents, but I always know that they only want what’s best for me.
Natalie replied: Wearing what other people think is cool shouldn’t be your main goal. Your mom is right to be concerned–she might just want to keep you from growing up too fast. I’m sure she’s just caring extra hard to make sure you don’t turn into someone you’ll regret one day. Also, when you dress a certain way, people expect you to act a certain way that goes along with that appearance. I’m sure your mom wants to help you stay strong in your actions as well as what you wear.
Nicole said: Well, you asked about what the Bible says about it, so here you go:
I TIMOTHY 2:8-10: “I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting; in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but which is proper for women professing godliness with good works,”
It’s not the braids or the pearls specifically that matter there, it’s talking about what society deems as modest and what is proper and upright for a Godly woman.
Here’s another:
PROVERBS 11:22: “As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion.”
God made you beautiful and it’s a shame to not let that beauty shine. When you’re indiscreet, it’s like saying you’re not worth protecting, not beautiful, not special.
Let me ask you, whose attention do you hope to get by dressing immodestly? Let’s be honest…you’re seeking the attention of boys, right?
MATTHEW 5:27-28: “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a women to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
ROMANS 14:13: “Let us not judge one another anymore but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.”
Jenna, your mom’s right. I commend her for protecting your virtue by trying to keep you from doing things or making decisions you don’t fully understand, yet. Hang in there…the teenage battles aren’t fun, I understand that. Consider Emily’s advice and try to give your mom the benefit of the doubt before lashing out at her with defensiveness.
Girl Talk is a regular feature at www.nicoleodell.com. Do you have questions? You can post them here or email me at nicole <@> nicoleodell <dot> com.
So, last November my dad cheated on my mom and it really hurts inside. I dont really forgive him and dont feel close to him anymore. What should I do???
~Sianna
Natalie: Wow. That would be so hard! I think you should talk to a school counselor or someone you trust about how you’re feeling.
Are your parents working it out and staying together? If so, I’d really encourage you to support them and try to get past your resentment if you can. Talk you your parents about how you feel, but try to forgive and not make it more stressful than it has to be. The truth is out, and nothing will be the same for a long time, but every step you take forward is one step closer to healing.
Nicole: Oh, Sianna, I’m so sorry you have to face this. I can only imagine how you must feel. The anger, sense of betrayal and fear of the future are very real feelings that shouldn’t be ignored. I understand what Natalie is saying about not making things more stressful, but I don’t want you to ignore your own needs, either. This isn’t the time to clam up–you and your parents need to communicate with each other.
You also should be spending a lot of time in prayer. God knows what your going through and He’s already walking with you through it, but prayer changes your focus and helps you to surrender your control to Him.
So, communication, prayer, then forgiveness. I think of how Jesus must feel when we walk all over the grace He’s shown us by turning back to the wrong people or behaviors. That’s a huge betrayal, yet He’s able to forgive us over and over again. He calls us to that same level of forgiveness toward others. It’s not easy, but He will help you through it. One step of faith at a time.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, anddo not lean on your own understanding.
Proverbs 3:5, ESV
Girl Talk is a regular feature at www.nicoleodell.com. Do you have questions? You can post them here or email me at nicole <@> nicoleodell <dot> com.
Allie wrote: Hi . This might sound like a dumb question because it’s not anything all that important, but it’s got me all confused. We got a Wii for Christmas and my brother and I play it all the time–sometimes we argue over who gets to play what they want. I’m going to my friend’s house for the weekend, and her dad offered me a whole Wii system. I guess he won a new one through some contest or raffle. Should I tell him we already have one and let him give it someone else? Or, should I just say thank you and bring it home so my brother and I each have one?
time schedule for when you get to choose the game, the times he gets to, and the times you play it alone. And also, find a game you both like a whole lot and involve your whole family.
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