Leslie WIlson: On Thriving

by Leslie Wilson

Does it seem like we’ve encountered a growing sense of entitlement among our young people? It does to me. Where, oh where, do kids learn a sense of entitlement? It might shock you to learn that they glean it from us, their parents.

A couple of years ago, I listened intently as the campus police officer shared this story about drop off at our local middle school:

“The carpool line stretches around a loop behind the school. Everyone is expected to wait in line, pulling forward a few cars at a time and then letting kids get out. The left lane—clearly marked by cones—is reserved for people who need to park and come in or parents dropping off students at the band hall at the far end of the front parking lot.

“One morning I watched a mom pull around dozens of cars and slide over at the front of the line. Her kid hopped out and hurried toward the school. I knocked on the passenger window and indicated for her to roll it down. When she did, I explained to her about the two lanes and asked her to go through the regular drop-off line like everyone else.

“She stared at me with a look of incredulity, then patted her chest as she said, ‘No, it’s OK, really. I live in Buffalo Creek.’

“’Ma’am, I don’t care where you live. The same rules apply to everyone. Tomorrow morning and every other morning, you need to wait in the carpool line with everybody else.’”

Me again. Thankfully, the police officer had the gumption and wherewithal to respond forcefully. And to clarify. Buffalo Creek is a very upscale neighborhood with a golf course and private swim and tennis club. While I know for a fact that most residents don’t adopt—or even agree with—this woman’s attitude, sadly some do.… continue reading

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By Leslie Wilson

Not long ago, I helped my son fix dinner for the family. I knew he was a willing and eager participant, and I didn’t want to squash his enthusiasm and drive to learn. But as he chopped, measured and stirred, I made a few suggestions. Hints, really, to help him improve his skills, make better use of his time and have each element of the meal finish cooking at about the same time. Afterward, he hugged me and said, “Thanks for teaching me today, Mom.” Warmth spread throughout my chest, and tears filled my eyes. I told myself to enjoy that fleeting mom moment.

Why had my son and I worked so well together?

Because in his eagerness to learn, he was willing to take constructive criticism.

Want to improve at anything?

Learn to appreciate—even desire—constructive criticism. Not the mental and emotional pounding that leaves you in a heap, but the helpful tools to improve any skill. My friend, Ron, spoke about improving his writing this way, “I want and need someone to give it to me straight. If I ask your opinion, or if I place myself in a position for critique, I don’t want namby-pamby drivel that I can see through like glass. Give it to me straight or don’t bother. If what I give you is crap, tell me. Don’t hold back. Love me enough to put me out of my misery, if that’s what’s needed.”

I especially liked his comparison to the orginal American Idol judges: “If my critique group consisted of Paula, Randy, and Simon, I would enjoy whatever cotton candy Paula dishes, but not believe a word of it. I would sift through Randy’s responses, panning for golden nuggets of wisdom. But I would hang on Simon’s every word, because he will bash me with the unabashed truth, even though it may hurt to hear.”

Because of his teachability, Ron’s writing has improved greatly through the years.… continue reading

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By Leslie Wilson

A few years back, much was made of Pastor Rick Warren’s The Purpose-Driven Life—as it should have been. The book impacted readers, as they read scripture, interpreted it and applied it to their lives to effect change.

But in today’s post, we’re going to shift focus slightly from purpose to perspective.

What if we could learn to employ a perspective-driven life? What would that even look like? How can we live in a perspective-driven way?

Filter and amend when something comes into your brain. Though we usually react in a particular way, if we take time to allow the statement or action to come into our inbox and rest there while we filter it before we file it away or react to it.

When someone says something to you, immediately process it in a positive way—not leaping to the possible negative meaning. For example, say your boss catches you on the way out of the office on Friday afternoon and says, “Hey Leslie, I need to see you in my office first thing Monday morning.” Instead of fearing the news is bad and worrying about it all weekend, we’d be neutral or even positive to our boss’s words.

If you get bad news, compare it to all the great things going on in your life. Case in point, a friend’s work hours were shortened a year ago, meaning she took a huge cut in pay. Instead of lamenting her decrease in salary, she told me, “I’m so thankful I get to spend more time with my kids.”

Remember that the trials and troubles in the world pale compared to the riches and glory in heaven. When we view life through the lens of eternity, we focus more on relationships, spiritual development and introspection. When we view our circumstances myopically, we can’t see past our troubles to joy and peace and contentment.… continue reading

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By Leslie Wilson 

Early summer brought non-stop action—attending graduation parties, serving as a counselor at high school church camp, working a trade show for our good friends, having a vacation-at-home with my family and a mission trip to the Rio Grande Valley. Just reading back through the list makes me tired!

Once I finished enjoying life to the fullest in all that non-stop activity, once I viewed those stretches of unusual, extra-demanding (though quite fun and worthwhile) events from the other side, I had time to pause and reflect on what each one meant. But even more importantly, I was able to appreciate simply being.

Rare for me, I admit.

Like many of you, I tend to jam-pack our schedules, rarely allowing for down time. Somehow, I equate inactivity with laziness, when, in truth, inactivity provides stillness. Stillness allows us precious, much-needed moments to reflect, rejuvenate and refocus. Stillness is key to thriving in life.

Reflect: When I find myself mired in the yuck—busy-ness, my perfectionistic tendencies, my inclination to compare myself to others—I crave time to quietly reflect. I long to recount blessings. I thank God for the valuable relationships in my life. I consider the beauty and wonder of creation.

Rejuvenate: It’s been said that even the Lord rested on the 7^th day. But jokes (and clichés) aside, we forget the value in allowing ourselves enough time to just be. We all need to rest, relax, sleep, eat, read, pray and renew. Our bodies, minds and hearts demand it or they threaten to overload and shut down.

Refocus: The world presses in. It can be such a noisy, demanding, frustrating place. Take time on a regular basis to reexamine your priorities so that you can eliminate “clutter” from your life. Determine what’s really important, and do that.

If we make these R’s a priority, we bring honor the Lord by being our best—to serve him, to love others, to represent him to the world.… continue reading

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By Leslie Wilson

Does multi-tasking help people thrive? In spite of much evidence to the contrary, I think it does—in certain, select situations, not all.

In all fairness, most anti-multi-taking talk comes from men who have no business trying to multi-task anyway. Everyone knows (and by that I mean all women know) that men are wired to do one thing at a time. When they’re finished with that one thing, they can move onto another task. But trying to do more than one thing at a time just doesn’t work for members of the male species. That’s why they bash, trash and otherwise denigrate multi-tasking.

The real issue lies in the definition of multi-tasking. Here’s a good one for purposes of this discussion. Multi-tasking: doing more than one task in a given span of time.

It doesn’t always work for me either. Case in point: I can make my bed—from start to finish—in about 90 seconds, if I’m not interrupted or otherwise distracted. However, the other morning, I got a phone call just as I started making my bed. Instead of sitting down on the bed and taking the call, I tucked my phone under my ear and tried to talk while I pulled taut the sheets, smoothed the quilt into place and arranged the pillows. After five minutes, I gave up. I had dropped the phone several times and apologized to my sister-in-law for the stops and starts in our conversation. In that instance the better decision would have been to finish my phone conversation and then finish making my bed.

But that example doesn’t make me want to toss multi-tasking altogether. Instead, I think we have to choose carefully what kind of multi-tasking we do.

For instance, here’s an example of successful multi-tasking:

·         Separate out laundry and start a load.… continue reading

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To prep for my Mission Everything-Is-Possible-with-God, I studied some thrivers to see how they think, act, and live. I wanted to know what made them tick. How and why they reacted the way they did to particular circumstances, many of which seemed hard (read: challenging, devastating, and/or long) to me. Mostly unbeknownst (Is that an awesome word or what? It has two prefixes and two suffixes. Probably a grammatical record.) to these people, I observed their attitude and behaviors. I longed to be more like them. Why? Because:

• They move beyond negative issues, comments, events that threaten to choke the joy, peace and contentment from their lives.
• They count their blessings.
• They live in the moment—refusing to dwell on yesterday’s heartache or tomorrow’s deadlines.
• They dwell on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8).
• They get past their past and don’t allow it to damage or threaten their future.
• Each day is a present because each day they are present. They show up for everything God has for them, whether it be good, bad, beautiful, ugly, easy, difficult, comfortable, unpleasant.

They live like a thermostat, meaning they set their own temperature, instead of a thermometer, which merely registers the existing temperature of everything around them. They don’t wait to see if the forecast includes sunshine or rain. They choose sunshine, regardless of the weather around them. They embrace this verse from 1 Corinthians 15: 57-58: “But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you.”

To borrow from the Jeff Foxworthy’s joke “You might be a redneck if . . . ,”  you might be ready to thrive if:

• You’re sick and tired of being sick and tired
• You know there’s more to life
• You want to stop beating your head against a brick wall
• You want to move beyond mediocrity
• You want to live in the moment and experience abundance

Each month we look at ways to relinquish control.… continue reading

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My tag line for ThriveItUp.com—what you get is what you see—further delineates the idea of thriving in life. Thrivers (As I told you last month, this rhymes with drivers, not livers.), live in the same circumstances you and I do.

• Their husbands forget to call and say they’ll be late.
• Their mothers-in-law spend time with them because of the grandkids.
• They will always be the size they are—unless they get fatter or shorter.
• Their children get rashes that won’t go away and even the school nurse and pediatrician don’t know what caused them.
• They will never be in charge of the remote—unless it’s to change the batteries.
• They dribble stuff on their favorite blouse right before an important meeting.

The big difference is, they live with hope and expectancy, balanced by a passion for being in the moment and choosing to dwell on the beauty of what they’ve learned from their past. They don’t actually escape their troubles. They don’t suddenly win the lottery or experience complete physical and emotional healing. They don’t always enjoy restored relationships.

Nope, they face Monday morning just like we do. They run out of gas (literally and figuratively) just like we do. They have a difficult neighbor just like we do. They deal with pressures from work, home, marriage, school, bills, etc., etc., etc. So what’s different? What makes them so special? Why are they able to experience delight in the ordinary and peace in the midst of trial?

What’s different is what they choose to see. How they view circumstances. How they approach life.

• They don’t wait for the next thing that comes along to make them happy.
• They refuse to flounder around, crippled by self-pity.
• They smile more.
• They see beauty in everything.
• They laugh when they spill something or trip or make an embarrassing mistake.
… continue reading

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by Leslie Wilson

Do you tend to thrive in life, regardless of your circumstances? Or are you easily swayed by events and situations that occur? Does life happen to you? Or do you find value in everything that comes your way?

The truth is, most of us spend too much of life wallowing in survival mode. We remain mired in mediocrity. We barely get by emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. “I’ll Be There for You,” The Friends’ theme, sung by The Rembrandts, calls this phenomenon being “stuck in second gear.” But God never intended it to be that way. Regardless of what’s going on in our lives, He created us to live victoriously, to experience joy in the journey. Not just when we arrive at the final destination.

Consider what the apostle John has to say in 1 John 5:4: “For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith” (NIV). The Lord desires that joy, that victory for us. And he’s done his part to accomplish that. But we have to show up as well. We have to accept what he offers. We must:

• Learn to let go and let God. (Oh how I struggle with this.)
• Relinquish control. (Really? But I’m so good at it.)
• Declare our dependence. (On Someone other than myself? I may actually be the second person to sweat droplets of blood.)

But come on—admit it. Don’t you want to be a thriver? (By the way, thriver rhymes with diver, not river. Unless you’re British.) I hope you like my made-up word for people who thrive.

(Oops, I got off track again. I do that. But I’m OK with that because thrivers don’t mind taking detours. Rabbit trails provide me with fabulous favorite material. Plus, it’s not healthy to always be on a schedule.)

Anyway, basically, we need to remember daily that God knows everything about our lives and is capable of handling whatever comes our way.… continue reading

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This is a test post in the column Leslie Wilson: On Thriving. Leslie will be posting a new column on the third Saturday of each month beginning with April 21st.

… continue reading

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