Grown-up Play, by Lisa Wingate

Recently, a writer-friend of mine, Beth Webb Hart, wrote these wise words in an article about whether grownups need to play:  “I think there is a kid in all of us.  Someone who still gets a kick out of play-time.  Peel back the layers of years, and you’ll usually find that kid who likes to romp in the woods, relishes a good game of hide and seek in an old rambling house, and – when the opportunity presents itself- smiles eagerly at a blank sheet of paper and a fresh box of crayons.

My kids keep me playing.  With their company, I still enjoy my favorite childhood games like pretend play, Legos, Tinker Toys and dolls.  I also like to climb a good magnolia tree – is there a better climbing tree in all the world? – and I adore riding bikes…fast!”

Grown-up Play

I agree with Beth.  We all need to play.  I loved playing Legos, Tinker Toys, and Candy Land with my boys when they were little.  Just like Beth said, my kids kept me playing.

Which brings up the question… what happens once the Legos are packed away, and the Tinker Toys are gone, and Candy Land disappears into the next yard sale?… continue reading

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By Lisa Wingate

It always hits me at Christmas. Family life just isn’t as much fun as it used to be. I miss the days of little people hoping for that one special toy, visiting Santa at the mall, counting down the days until that magical night when the stockings would be filled and surprises would appear under the tree.

It’s just not the same, buying iTunes gift cards, or sending the kids to the store to pick out their own gifts. These days, no one’s impatiently listening for reindeer feet on the roof of our house, or waking up at four in the morning to take a peek at the presents.  The weeks after Christmas won’t be spent happily discovering new toys, but instead catching up on paperwork for college scholarships or returning last semester’s textbooks and pouring over course catalogs for next semester’s enrollment.

Family life in this empty-nest stage feels more like running a business, sometimes. 

It’s all about signing papers and writing checks.

And then it hits me — why should all the fun end, just because little people have become big people? Can’t we still have fun together?  Shouldn’t we?

With that in mind this year, the CFO and CEO of our little household held a board meeting.  The result?… continue reading

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By Lisa Wingate

Quarterlife, it’s a term I hadn’t heard until a few months ago — a reference to those seemingly-carefree young people in that roughly eighteen to twenty-five year old phase. For those of us looking back through the rose-colored glasses of old age (over 40) these young men and women seem to be in the prime of life.  They’re just starting out on the big adventure.  What could they possibly have to worry about?

But the truth is that kids in this phase of life are often struggling, while feeling the pressure (either from within or without) to make things look good on the surface. This generation more than ever before faces Quarter-life challenges that can lead to depression, bad decisions, rash choices, and monumental stumbles. Too often, they suffer in silence, too embarrassed or too proud to be honest about their feelings and fears.

So, what can you do if you’re the parent of a Quarter-lifer?  How can you help without being intrusive?  The first step toward helping is understanding some common worries young people face during those all-important first years of adulthood.

Eight Quarterlife Worries That May Be Keeping Your Young Adult Up At Night:

1.  What am I going to do with my life?… continue reading

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By Lisa Wingate 

It’s autumn in Texas, time for the birds to pack up this year’s nests and fly south for the winter.  This morning, I saw a mother bird following her four feathery teens around the porch, catching beetles and forcing them into the little mouths. I didn’t realize birds did this. I thought that once the chicks took their first flight, they were on their own to sink or… soar as the case maybe.

Who knew that mama birds suffer from the same dilemma as human parents? How soon do you back away from the preening, and the sheltering, and the feeding, and let your baby birds begin to go it alone in the world?  It’s a hard question to answer. Too little help, and your fledgling might make a fatal misstep without really understanding the implications. Too much, and your precious one might never be strong enough, resourceful enough, and experienced enough to make it alone.

As a parent, there’s nothing worse than seeing your babies suffer, but suffering is the path to wisdom.  Experience is the surest way to learn life lessons—just ask Confucious… or Rafiki from the Lion King.  Even though we know that, it’s difficult to watch our babies take the hard knocks in life.  We’d like for them to learn from our own painful experiences and avoid the mistakes we’ve already pioneered ourselves.… continue reading

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by Lisa Wingate

It’s football season.  In town, green and black streamers dangle from STOP signs.  Cars drive by with shoe polish slogans splashed across the windows.  Beat the Bulldogs.  Can the Cats.  Little girls in mini cheerleader suits turn lopsided cartwheels on the school playground, dreaming of one day leading cheers under Friday night lights.

I realized, as I was standing in the grocery line the other day—for the first time in fifteen years, I have absolutely no reason to go to the game.  No man-child on the field.  No horn player marching with the band.  It’s over.  Friday night is… just another night now, at least for me.

These things hit me at the strangest times.  One minute, life seems normal, and then the next, my mind turns a blind corner and I’m struck by the realization that the last of something has come and gone without warning.  Almost unnoticed, even.  It’s a shift in reality that’s so quiet, so stealthy you never knew what hit you… until it does.

I stagger a few steps when it happens, my mind either trying to grasp what’s real now, or protesting against it.  What?  No more football games?  No more band concerts?  No more field trips, lunch boxes, little boys hopping off the school bus and running up the driveway with book bags bouncing on their backs.  How can this be?  Where did so much time go?… continue reading

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Since we were on the subject of college last month, and it’s that time of year, I thought I’d stay with the theme and share some of the information that has been crammed into my brain as we prepare for the senior high school year of our last fledgling in the nest.  It seems like this summer has been all about college visits and scholarship hunts.  We’ve learned a few things since we sent our eldest off to college.  This seemed like a perfect time to pass it along.   Whether you have kids in college, are about to, or know people who do, some of this will probably apply.

Eight Top Tips On Paying For College

• Start saving early  Putting even a small amount of money away monthly from the time Baby is little can help ease the burden of college costs.  The Federal 529 savings plan can also be a good option.  Depending on your state, 529 plans can allow you to buy tuition credits for tomorrow at today’s prices or to enjoy tax-advantaged college savings accounts.

• Never underestimate the value of good test scores.  Start late in the sophomore year or early in the junior year of high school working toward the best ACT/SAT scores your child can possibly achieve.  Even a few points can make a big difference in potential scholarships.  Have your child take the test several times during the junior year—for the most competitive college programs, you’ll need your scores by the end of the junior school year.  College applications open August 1^st prior to your child’s senior year.  Consider investing in some study materials to prep for the test.  For a great free option to help kids prep for ACT or SAT, check out www.Number2.com.
… continue reading

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 By Lisa Wingate

It’s the middle of July, so if you’re accustomed to the usual high school or elementary school routine, it seems a little early to be talking about back-to-school issues.  But, if you’re sending one of your little birds away from the nest and off to college this year, now is the time to be focusing on the pre-launch details and preparing for that big day in August.

For kids heading off to college for the first time, it’s almost time to pack up the clothes, the new notebooks, the alarm clocks, desk lamps, new sheets and comforters, and head for that all-important week of freshman camps and orientations. For the last few weeks in Sunday school, we’ve been enjoying the revolving door of high-school seniors heading off to this-or-that college camp or orientation.  They’re excited, they’re nervous, they wonder if they can handle it all. The next year will change them and challenge them in ways they cannot imagine. Some of them will thrive and some of them will falter. Some will grow in confidence and some will begin to doubt themselves when they never did before.

If you’re dropping a kid off at college this year, here are a dozen helpful hints I wish I’d had before embarking on that emotion-packed journey of taking our firstborn son to college three years ago.… continue reading

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Don’t go into my laundry room.

No, seriously.  Don’t go in there.  You might not survive.  I’m still sporting a broken kneecap (okay, so maybe it’s just bruised) from crossing that room in the dark and tripping over a load of college junk someone piled in the middle of the floor.   I wonder at the thought process behind this.  It must go something like, Hmmm… I have stuff in my vehicle, and now I want to haul some friends around.  Where shall I put this stuff?  If I put it in my room, I’ll have to work around it all summer.  Hey, the laundry room!  There’s space in there.  No one will notice.  Who needs to do laundry, anyway?  We don’t do laundry at college…

Ah, the perils of the Revolving Nest.  They’re here, they’re gone, they’re ba-aaack.

I’m not alone.  By some estimates, more than sixty percent of today’s young adults will move back home at some point.  Between the economic downturn, the difficult job market, and a growing trend toward highly-involved parenting (that’s another debate for another day) the number of families saying “Good night, Johnboy,” Waltons-style is growing by leaps and bounds.

The trend doesn’t feel all that strange to me.  My parents had a revolving nest, and as the accidental caboose baby of the family, I grew up with older kids moving in and out like flies on a fresh spill of Kool-Aid.  I came and went from my parents’ home during college summers (I don’t remember ever depositing my junk on my mother’s laundry room) and my husband and I even stayed at the My Folks Inn for a few months after college graduation.  My mother handled the situation skillfully.  She made sure to be gone working a lot, and somehow we all survived that on-again-off-again time in the old nest.… continue reading

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It’s so rude, really.  You pack on the pregnancy pounds for them, suffer through labor and delivery, feed them, diaper them, shop for just the right Easter outfits and Christmas presents, help with homework, dry tears, patch up skinned knees, ignore impending hypothermia and threat of heat stroke at sporting events, hand out free dating advice, endure driver’s training, sit up nights worrying, visit colleges, help with applications, stalk the mailbox waiting for acceptance letters…

And then they think they can just… LEAVE?  Seriously?  How is that fair?  How can it be “the plan” that we hard working, devoted (and totally awesome I might add) parents end up all alone in empty houses, left only with the fading Field Day ribbons, the dusty sports trophies, the crispy construction-paper valentines, the dry rotted high school letter jackets, the closets full of clothes they no longer want?

It seems like such a dastardly scheme, such a cruel twist of fate.  You put your body and soul into a job, and then Poof!  Gone!  At this point, I calculate that I’ve been mothering people more than half of my life.  It’s instinct now.  I know the power of these instincts.  As a farm girl, I’ve seen them at work firsthand.… continue reading

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Shepherding Older Teens and Young Adults Through Breakups as you prepare for that Empty Nest

by Lisa Wingate

Ahhh… it’s that time of year again—the season for proms, spring cotillions, young men in dapper tuxedos and pretty girls in dresses that cost their parents a mint. There’s nothing sweeter than seeing your child in love and on top of the world. As parents, we revel in those moments when our young ones seem to be sailing effortlessly into adulthood—wildly blessed, floating ten feet off the ground, successful in life and love.

It only makes sense, doesn’t it? You’ve raised an exceptional human being. Who could fail to fall hopelessly in love with him or her? Who wouldn’t treasure the diamond that you and God have polished to a shine?

Sooner or later, someone won’t. Some thoughtless, heartless, totally immature and ridiculously blind person will cast your precious gem into the dirt, walk right over it, and move on, leaving you to help pick up the pieces. Every year after the lights of prom night dim or the spring college semester ends, the round of breakups begins, so this seemed like a good time to take on this issue.

As painful as teenage breakups are, breakups among young adults–those in the high school senior to college age range—are an entirely different animal.… continue reading

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It’s funny that they call it “empty nesting” isn’t it?  I’ve been watching birds all my life, and I guess the analogy makes sense in a way—one day you’re a little single bird, and then you’re swept off your feet by a nice little boy bird with appealing plumage.  You build a cozy little nest together, lay a few eggs, end up with a hatchling that’s bald, funny looking, and noisy at first but gets cuter as it grows.  You fall in love in an entirely new way, as you feed, protect, and shelter that tiny, helpless creature.  You’d fight to the death for that precious little life you brought into this world.

Then one day you come home, and that special little someone… isn’t where you left him (or her, but we have man-child hatchlings in this nest).  He’s toddling around the fringes, testing the perimeter, peering over the edge, looking up at the sky with a wistful gleam in his eye. In fact, he’s bursting from the confines of the nest in all directions.  Outgrowing it in every possible way.

If you’re a bird at that point, you encourage Baby’s first flight, then you head south for the winter, take a vacation at Disney World, snatch leftover French fries from tourists before flying back north in the spring, laying a few more eggs, and starting the whole process over again.… continue reading

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Lisa Wingate will be posting her thoughts on empty-nesting on the second Thursday of each month. I don’t know about you, but as a mom with one already out of the house, and five more left at home, I sure can’t wait to learn how to be better prepared!

Nicole

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