Are you raising a teenage racist? by Nicole O’Dell

I know that’s a harsh question. But it’s a fair one.

In many ways, our society has made huge leaps and bounds when it comes to race relations. But there are still big struggles among teenagers–either those from small, segregated areas who haven’t had enough exposure to different types of people, or those from diverse areas where the varios racial groups are at odds.

So, how can we raise teenagers who are blissfully unaware of race and racial tension?

Before we dive into this issue, take a look at this video:

What’s the deal? What do you think about that test? It’s wasn’t a perfect scientific test, granted, but I still think the results were profound. Our kids learn initial assumptions about people from us–their parents. It’s a fact. But, sometimes, what looks like prejudice is really just a lack of exposure. Could we combat the fallout from that lack of exposure by being more intentional about keeping our lives rich with diversity, exposure, and opportunity?

Maybe you don’t have a racist bone in your body, and maybe you’re not raising a teenage racist at all, but let me ask you a few questions:

• Of the last 25 phone calls or texts you made to friends, how many of them were to someone of a different race?
… continue reading

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The Ascension Convention

I was a speaker at The 27th Annual Ascension Convention in Chicago this past weekend. It’s an amazing event put on by Christian Life College of Mount Prospect, IL. I’ve actually been attending this convention since I was a teenager, then later as a youth leader, then as a student of the college, and now as a session speaker.

Wow. What a life-changing weekend!

My husband asked me to describe my favorite part of the weekend. I couldn’t possibly pick just one, so I chose three.

1. I was so very proud to be able to claim Christian Life Church in Rantoul, IL as “my” church. The youth directors, Larry and Joleen Collins, brought more than 35 teens plus a great group of leaders. And I’m not just talking about teenagers whose parents forced them to come and who sat in the back and whispered their way through the sessions. No. These teenagers were there to grow and be changed. And, even more than that, they were there to make a difference. One of the coolest things they did was hold impromptu worship services at various locations between sessions. So awesome to see these young people fearlessly taking a stand for Jesus.… continue reading

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 By Nicole O’Dell

Worthy of Love: #10 marker of a healthy self-esteem

Recently I posted my Ten Markers of a Healthy Self-Esteem. These are the ten things You can watch out for in your tweens and teens to see if they are operating from a healthy, balanced self-esteem, with their identity rooted squarely in what God has to say about them. These guidelines will give you insight into what you should be looking for, and encouraging in your young adults as they navigate these tough years, battle the peer pressure, and strive for a healthy identity.

The original post has been popular because so many  parents are confused about this and have no idea how to make a difference in their child’s self-esteem. So, I thought I would take the next 10 days and breakdown the 10 points one by one. We’ll look at each one under a magnifying glass and discuss how we can really make an impact in each one of these areas.

#10: With a healthy self-esteem, your child feels worthy of the love and approval of others.

With a healthy self-esteem, this teenager isn’t shocked that someone might find value in her, in fact, she expects it, because she believes what God says about her.… continue reading

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By Nicole O’Dell

Most people talk about the importance of a high self-esteem. Personally, I think that’s the wrong goal. In fact, a high self-esteem can be as dangerous as a low self-esteem. A better goal is to have a healthy self-esteem. Think too highly of yourself, you’ll be less likely to submit to refinement; think too poorly of yourself, and you’ll be unable to reach for the best within yourself.

If you’re parenting a teenager who is struggling with peer pressure, body-image issues, eating disorders, or celebrity influence, you’re definitely dealing with self-esteem issues. A great way to help is to reinforce the thoughts and behaviors that promote a healthy self-esteem.

Ten markers of a healthy self-esteem:

1. Has a general sense of being worthy of the love and approval of others.

With your healthy self-esteem, you’re not shocked that someone might find value in you, in fact, you expect it, because you believe what God says about you.

2. Is committed to strongly defined values.

You know what you believe and why. You’re not challenge to abandon your faith in pursuit of popularity or the approval of others. You don’t have trouble standing against peer pressure.

3. Knows strengths and capitalizes on them, and uses weaknesses as areas for growth.… continue reading

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Hot Buttons 30-Day Challenge, Day Thirty:

When you’re not sure what to do

If you missed Day Twenty-Nine, check it out here.

Well, we’ve made it through our 30-day challenge. If you’re just joining us, you can start here.

Now, in the style of HOT BUTTONS  Strategic Scenarios, tell your teen this story as though it’s really happening to him/her. Substitute male or female pronouns where necessary to help your tweens and teens relate.

You’re solid in your faith, you’ve committed to purity and to following God’s will for your life as best you can, and you have a pretty good relationship with your parents. But lately some questions have been really bothering you. You’re not sure you’re going to be able to stand strong on certain things and, to be honest, you’re really not sure you want to. Maybe it would be easier if you really understood how God felt about those things.

What do you do?

Present the following choices to your teenager:

1. Nothing to worry about. If something comes up and you want to do it, you will. That’s free will.
2. You can’t talk to your parents about this, so you ask your friends’ opinions.
3. You stay strong even if you don’t understand.
… continue reading

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Hot Buttons 30-Day Challenge, Day Twenty-Nine:

When you want out…of life

If you missed Day Twenty-Eight, check it out here.

Many teens experience sad times, depression, hopelessness, and even suicidal thoughts. It’s important to discuss that possibility before it happens, so your teens will know what they’re dealing with and how to handle it.

So, in the style of HOT BUTTONS  Strategic Scenarios, tell your teen this story as though it’s really happening to him/her. Substitute male or female pronouns where necessary to help your tweens and teens relate.

Nothing is going right. Your boyfriend dumped you. Your friends have turned against you. You’re failing a few classes. Your parents are getting divorced. And now you just found out your favorite aunt is dying of cancer. What’s the point of this life if it’s only going to be full of pain and heartache? And who can go through high school without friends? You might as well end it now.

What do you do?

Present the following choices to your teenager:

1. You make a plan involving a lot of pills and try to work up the courage to kill yourself.
2. You write a note to your boyfriend and tell him that you might kill yourself unless he gets back together with you.
… continue reading

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Hot Buttons 30-Day Challenge, Day Twenty-Eight:

When your girlfriend’s pregnant (or you are)

If you missed Day Twenty-Seven, check it out here.

Ouch! I know this one hurts, Mom and Dad. I know you would rather teach abstinence and glue a purity ring onto your kids’ fingers. Trust me, I feel the same way. Fact is, though, kids raised in church–youth group kids, pastor’s kids, missionary’s kids…are all represented in the not-so elite group of teen parents. I know how easily it can happen because I was one of those pregnant church kids.

So, in the style of HOT BUTTONS  Strategic Scenarios, tell your teen this story as though it’s really happening to him/her. Substitute male or female pronouns where necessary to help your tweens and teens relate.

You’re in a great, long-lasting relationship and really love your boyfriend. A few months ago, you started having sex. You haven’t relly regretted it, until now. The test you just took? It says you’re pregnant. 

A baby?!?!? You’re only in high school. You wanted to go away to college. So did your boyfriend. He wanted to be an architect…and you were going to be a teacher. But now what? You’re supposed to have a baby at sixteen?… continue reading

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Hot Buttons 30-Day Challenge, Day Twenty-Seven:

When the world falls apart

If you missed Day Twenty-Six, check it out here.

This one’s a bit different than the usual Hot Buttons posts in that it’s not really about a moral issue of choice or help out of a bad situation. This one tackles the question that arises with that age-old question of “Why do bad things happen to good people?” Just two days ago, a gunman burt into an elementary school and slaughtered 26 people–20 of them, small children. So much has been written about the tragedy, and I really don’t have words to add…just tears. But these events are faith-shakers. It’s important that you prepare your teens now for the times that will come when the enemy will shout questions and dangle doubts.

So, in the style of HOT BUTTONS  Strategic Scenarios, tell your teen this story as though it’s really happening to him/her. Substitute male or female pronouns where necessary to help your tweens and teens relate.

Fill in the blank: A friend is diagnosed with terminal cancer, a friend commits suicide, your parents get divorced, a natural disaster occurs…

In the wake of tragedy, your friends are taunting you about your faith.… continue reading

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Hot Buttons 30-Day Challenge, Day Twenty-Six:

When he’s dating someone else

If you missed Day Twenty-Five, check it out here.

In the style of HOT BUTTONS  Strategic Scenarios, tell your teen this story as though it’s really happening to him/her. Substitute male or female pronouns where necessary to help your tweens and teens relate. And don’t worry if your child seems too young for some of these scenarios–that’s the point. Crack open these issues now while you have the ability to lay a good, Godly foundation.

You are not where you’re supposed to be. That feeling of doom settles over you as you regret the recent choice you made to leave the sleepover with your friends and go to the party your parents said you couldn’t attend. You had rationalized that it would be okay–they’d never find out. 

Problem is, the only one of your friends with a car–or even a driver’s license–is drunk. Well, she says she’s just a little buzzed and totally fine to drive. But you’ve seen her drink at least three beers. How many does it take to be dangerous behind the wheel, anyway? So, you can ride in the car with your friend who’s been drinking, or you can call home for a ride and face your parents for disobeying them and putting yourself in such a dangerous situation. 

What do you do?… continue reading

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Hot Buttons 30-Day Challenge, Day Twenty-Five:

When he’s dating someone else

If you missed Day Twenty-Four, check it out here.

In the style of HOT BUTTONS  Strategic Scenarios, tell your teen this story as though it’s really happening to him/her. Substitute male or female pronouns where necessary to help your tweens and teens relate. And don’t worry if your child seems too young for some of these scenarios–that’s the point. Crack open these issues now while you have the ability to lay a good, Godly foundation.

You like this guy…a LOT.  I mean, a LOT, a LOT. You daydream about your engagement and your wedding. You even have your rings picked out and your kids named. You even think he might like you…at least a little. He seems to watch you and makes comments about how you look sometimes. 

Problem is, he’s going out with your friend. They’ve been dating the whole year and there’s no sign of them breaking up. But you might be in love. And if he seems to like you, and you know some things about this friend–she’s not exactly the best girlfriend to him–then maybe it’s time they break up. Maybe you should make a move.… continue reading

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Hot Buttons 30-Day Challenge, Day Twenty-Four:

When popularity means denial

If you missed Day Twenty-Three, check it out here.

In the style of HOT BUTTONS  Strategic Scenarios, tell your teen this story as though it’s really happening to him/her. Substitute male or female pronouns where necessary to help your tweens and teens relate. And don’t worry if your child seems too young for some of these scenarios–that’s the point. Crack open these issues now while you have the ability to lay a good, Godly foundation.

You’ve been a Christian since you were little. Everyone at school has heard/seen you defend Jesus at some point over the years. Your solid faith has become an issue in your friendships lately, and your popularity is taking a huge hit because of your Christian witness. Maybe you should tone it down a bit if you have any hope of making it through high school with any level of popularity. 

You stop talking about church and Jesus so much, and only answer direct questions. At least for a while. It’s not like you’re actually denying your faith, you’re just not shoving it down your friends’ throats.

Eventually, some friends notice the change. One day, in the lunchroom, they challenge you to declare or deny your faith.… continue reading

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Hot Buttons 30-Day Challenge, Day Twenty-Three:

When he says he didn’t mean it

If you missed Day Twenty-Two, check it out here.

In the style of HOT BUTTONS  Strategic Scenarios, tell your teen this story as though it’s really happening to him/her. Substitute male or female pronouns where necessary to help your tweens and teens relate. And don’t worry if your child seems too young for some of these scenarios–that’s the point. Crack open these issues now while you have the ability to lay a good, Godly foundation.

You’ve been going out with your boyfriend for six months and you really love him. He’s been under a lot of pressure lately.  You’ve tried to be understanding by giving him a lot of space, but he just gets so angry. The other night, he totally lost it. He shoved you back and you fell to the floor, then he raised his hand as though he was going to hit you. He didn’t, though. You have no idea what provoked him, but now you’re scared. He said he was sorry, and it seemed like he really meant it. You’ll be very careful not to do anything to make him mad until he’s not so stressed.… continue reading

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Hot Buttons 30-Day Challenge, Day Twenty-Two:

When a pill will solve the problem

If you missed Day Twenty-One, check it out here.

In the style of HOT BUTTONS  Strategic Scenarios, tell your teen this story as though it’s really happening to him/her. Substitute male or female pronouns where necessary to help your tweens and teens relate. And don’t worry if your child seems too young for some of these scenarios–that’s the point. Crack open these issues now while you have the ability to lay a good, Godly foundation.

You are overwhelmed. School is so hard this year, plus you have SATs coming up. You’re trying to fill out college applications, keep up with your band commitments and your basketball schedule. You’d like to enjoy some time with friends, but there are chores to do at home and church activities to attend. A friend notices your mounting stress and offers you a little blue pill with the promise that it will make everything easy and the stress will disappear. She assures you it’s nothing bad and you’ll be so happy you tried it.

What do you do?

Present the following choices to your teenager:

1. You have GOT to do something or you’re never going to make it through this year.
… continue reading

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Hot Buttons 30-Day Challenge, Day Twenty-One:

When it’s too late to say no

If you missed Day Twenty, check it out here.

In the style of HOT BUTTONS  Strategic Scenarios, tell your teen this story as though it’s really happening to him/her. Substitute male or female pronouns where necessary to help your tweens and teens relate. And don’t worry if your child seems too young for some of these scenarios–that’s the point. Crack open these issues now while you have the ability to lay a good, Godly foundation.

You did it. You had sex with your boyfriend and everyone knows. You totally regret it–it wasn’t at all what you expected and you just feel, sort of icky. You don’t look at your boyfriend the same way anymore and you wish you could crawl into a hole and hide out for a while. So what now? Do you break up with your boyfriend? Keep having sex? Pretend it didn’t happen?

What do you do?

Present the following choices to your teenager:

1. There’s no point to purity anymore. You just keep having sex.
2. You keep having sex with your boyfriend, but if you two break up, you’re not going there in the next relationship.
… continue reading

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Hot Buttons 30-Day Challenge, Day Twenty:

When Science makes more sense

If you missed Day Nineteen, check it out here.

In the style of HOT BUTTONS  Strategic Scenarios, tell your teen this story as though it’s really happening to him/her. Substitute male or female pronouns where necessary to help your tweens and teens relate. And don’t worry if your child seems too young for some of these scenarios–that’s the point. Crack open these issues now while you have the ability to lay a good, Godly foundation.

Your favorite subject is Science. You love all the experiments and discussions. In fact, you just might go after some aspect of a career in Science. Something’s bothering you, though. Your teacher has been teaching Evolution and it really makes sense. Between the data she has provided, the discussions in class, the material in your textbook, and what you’ve found online, you are becoming convinced that the theory of evolution may  very well be fact. This is incredibly disturbing because it goes against what you’ve been taught by your church since you were little. If the church was wrong about creation, does it mean they’ve been wrong about a lot of things?

What do you do?… continue reading

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